Hip Hop Forum

In a silent place now, everything is quiet,
the riots, the pilots, the physical, all gone.
The walls, the sunlight, the clouds, all gone,
left back in the last world, the last life.

In a noisy place now, everyone is screaming,
no sleeping, no peeking, no sneaking, all gone.
No snoring, no tiptoes, no shadows, all gone,
left back in the last dream, the last thought.

In a scary place now, every object glaring,
and staring, and daring, and looking, oh no.
And roaring, and screeching, and booing, oh no,
left here from the last place, the last dimension.

In a happy place now, everyone is smiling,
they're laughing, they're hugging, no one is all gone.
They're cheering, they're playing, no one is all gone,
left back by those people, the last family.

In a drugged world now, everyone is high,
they all think they're fly, and cool, not so.
They all think they're happy, not so, not so,
left back here with them, with a loaded gun.

damn im feelin that... i like how you take it to different places... seems as if your describin death and flashbacks or somethin

The structure was good, the story line was alright. I think you need to up our vocabulary a little bit, but your shit definitely has potential.