Hip Hop Forum

smoke is so beautiful...
you can never hold it, though in your view it moves..
fluid, smooth, translucent, the brooding mood, it soothes it..
everything you do eludes, all physical concepts, barely an object..
mixed in with the air, inherently, part of us all, yes..
i wish i could burn, spontaneously combust..
then i too could be beautiful..
but ugly is just what im better suited to...
to this heart frozen, i remain dutiful,
although the flames at heart spoken,
i might just give up on smokin.. the new bar's open;
so i cant be beautiful, i guess im heart broken,
persistently spittin a flow as if my heart's opened..
i wish my blood could evaporate, but ill have to wait,
its still too congealed, too clotted n stuck to bein stubborn...
my body is numb, i feel like rubber..
my conscious is dumb, there's too much clutter...
i go with the flow, because i have no rudder
stuck on this path, no father to say "son, there is another.."
ive had enough of bein a bum, it's such a bummer..
feelin like another piece of scum upon the gutter...
one day i will shine.. and let the Sun become my brother
i will be beautiful, and Medusa will say "come to me, my lover"
frozen in time, an eternal love for me to suffer...

dunno.... was just watching smoke pour out of my cigarette while the sun was shining right on it... and i got inspired

You need to figure out a way to communicate yourself better. Like, it's a good concept that could have been construed better than it was. The passions not there, and it should be. I know you were only writing about smoke, but think about how far that could take you -- all the things that smoke could represent, all the metaphors you could have used.

frozen in time, an eternal love for me to suffer.
This was my favourite line. I feel as though it hits the hardest. Now, make every line touch a person as that line will, and you'll have yourself some solid gold.

just as my life, its difficult to maintain direction[and inherently, purpose] in alot of what i write. i lose the foundation midway through and get stuck on forced multies, and forget to just go with the flow and let it come straight from the heart.

thinkin about taking a break from writin for a while...