Hip Hop Forum

this is an old piece i wrote about 2 years ago.
peep it!


Verbal annihilation impeaching the delegations
Fading their reputation til they all are gone an ancient
Face it theirs not a place for these great whores
who create poor while they wait to make more
so I instigate war so more people will say NO!
fuck taxes for combat on the promise of terrorism
while prayers given to those who terror stricken
as my glares quicken to those speaking frail wisdom
the easily swayd listen but you cant get me
screamin fuck the police theres no peace inside me
they created a beast hidin in the trees usin speech
to impeach this countries yeast infection claimin our protection
while selling out our weapons to other collections
whats your preference adults or adolescents paying collections
to fund a war presence that most don't even support
our friends siblings sons and daughters bleeding for war
so I ask you all to prepare for a new revolution
a solution to the dilution of our nations constitution
cause these pollutants have toxified us for to long
we strong and should strike now before the red dawn


apreciate some feed


wun

The flow was fire, all the multis and inners seemed quite intricate, and well placed. Definitely made this drop more entertaining to read, because I felt the rhythm. I'd like to see you write something similar to this now, to see how much you've elevated because this was dope as hell.

Eh. I like the message, but the delivery could use some work honestly. I don't like the whole "-tion" rhyme schemes, they never work well in my opinion. Overall, I think it was decent, but could also be improved upon. Id imagine in two years you've learned a little something. If you haven't, I'd blame sugar-coated critiquing lol. You definitely have the basics down, the flow was on point, multies, etc. Just needs some fine tuning, that's all.

fuq u postin up 2 year old writes??

move on son.

it was decent though.


all those tion lines get no respect. maybe for one bar or two..and or if they REAL, REAL deep and clever. then u can get credit..otherwise..you can do without them.

u lacked hard impacting concepts/punches..i understand the piece wasnt really geared towards punches and haymakers..but at least get some metaphors and sick similies in there.


so overall

this was BORING AS FUQ

lol at fuq just say fuck man be real but honestly as a real emcee, who actually lives hip hop god damn man, i could care less about respect on the net i just want some feedback on my shit you kno, but thanks for the feed i'll definately think about it

still uppin for some people who understand the message.