Hip Hop Forum

it has been said that the eyes are the...
we know how the old saying goes, well when i look into her eyes... i can see those "window pains"
almost showing emotion.. with a joke quickly intervening, followed by a smile disguising a tears true meaning
thus remaining mighty, knowing that if she utilizes sarcasm as armour, nothing can harm her
blinking away any evidence that she's human, that breif episode of frailty simply becomes an open and shut case
and as a bystander.. i just drink it all in as i peer through the looking glass..


i dont know if this is decent, or just corny, let me know what u think
i might work on it some more

Its Decent, Could Use More Work...
Structure It a Little Better...
Write your Thoughts More Clearly...
But Nah, It's All Good.. I See Everyones Strtin To Drop In The Distilled Concepts...
This Should Be Good..

Leave Me Feed On "Death"..

I thought this stayed true, but naturally you should structure it.
Poetry is so subjective but i enjoyed this read. It held more depth than i believe you even intended it for.
Good job precise.

thanks dude, well i was going for a spoken word type of poem,

i guess yer right about the structure, reading it over myself i didnt quite showcase the fine points of the lines too well like "drink it in" n "looking glass" , "blinkin away the tears" n "open and shut case"
, n the flow of it is pretty crappy, ill do a re-write

yeah i like this piece of abstract poetry, which doesnt need structure or complexity its poetry. but it could of been a lil bit longer fo sho..
i liked it.. "poetry is where a real rap artist and a rapper set their differences" -Tupac..

peace

My Donnie, the poet lol. I like it dude, I'm not going to point out the structure issue as it's already been addressed. I strongly suggest a re-write, this shit's got a lot of potential.

Good shit dude.