Hip Hop Forum

[align=center]this path is forever endless
from the beggining i was notified
witnessing hopeless crys
given off by men who oppose the sky
Death awaits us
are fate is semented into the reapers mind
although life is surrounded by beauty
like a golden retrievers spine
i don't want to die
but do i have a choice?
what difference will be made
if i broadcast my voice?

Death...

chases me, i pant and try to catch
my breath as if it was running
death..
will hunt me down as i sit and pray
the preditor will make me prey today
death...[/align]

this was straight, some parts better than others

favorite part was..

"witnessing hopeless crys
given off by men who oppose the sky"

not to bad man, i liked it

i know nothing about poetry but i kinda thought it was a bit sketchy in some parts tho, like some concepts didnt flow so smoothly into others, but none the less it was pretty nice dude

Dark, hysteric and there's the feeling of chase throughout.
You can feel the sense of hopelessness from the way you wrote it, and i feel the breaks you used were very effective in allowing the words to sink in.
You surprise me ever ytime hazard. Your showing a lot of people your not as 2 dimensional as you conduct yourself.

Thanks For The Feed homie i Got chu..

i Liked This Piece Fam,
Cus U Brought yo Own Style, & Put a Lil Poetic Twist On it ..
Tha Endin Lines Were Raw to Me ..
It Was Koo, Keep Practicin & U Grow as a Better Writer Overall ..

.. R.A.I .. wrote:Dark, hysteric and there's the feeling of chase throughout.

I can't say it much better than that dude.