" Summers Ending "

Brah-Vo · Post by **Brah-Vo** » Sun Jan 25, 2009 12:26 pm

This is it

We're sitting next to each other awkwardly
Everyone else can see
What's going on between Us
It's a bit obvious
They try to pair us up
But We already knew from the start

This is it

We're sitting next to each other
We don't say a word
But we don't even need too
I'm going to take a chance,
Take a leap..
Why don't you tag along?

Drink in hand, painted nails
A slight smile reveals itself
Open body language, waiting for the word
We both know it's true but I'll just wait

Leaning over,shoulders touching
Looking away, avoiding the hints
Pretend nothing is happening
As our hands slowly come together

Do you know what you're doing?
Because I'm clueless too
It doesn't matter, Just make this last
We're foolish kids, but do We care?
This is a mistake, But it'll be fun

Let's take photos of us smiling
So when we look back we'll cry
We're growing older,
Running out of time
So let's hurry up and make the most of this

Summer's almost over
Its almost time to reminisce
I don't know about you
But I'll miss this bliss

[align=center]I'll never let you go
As long as you hold on.[/align]

Borat · Post by **Borat** » Mon Jan 26, 2009 9:30 am

this is a really tight poem... You have elevated a ton in your writing.
I have tried writing something along the lines of this and got no where near your poem haha.

"Let's take photos of us smiling
So when we look back we'll cry
We're growing older,
Running out of time
So let's hurry up and make the most of this

Summer's almost over
Its almost time to reminisce
I don't know about you
But I'll miss this bliss"

my two favorite stanza's.
Overall I give this a 8/10.
Keep it up man.

Brah-Vo · Post by **Brah-Vo** » Mon Jan 26, 2009 11:20 am

Thanks alot for the feed and props riposte !

MagicMark · Post by **MagicMark** » Mon Jan 26, 2009 11:52 am

wow...

hot ish dawg... fo'real...

you got a nice writing style.. packed with emotion, simple concepts came together, real power in such short phrases..

dope read man.. this is gonna get slept on but its a real hot piece for what it is..

Brah-Vo · Post by **Brah-Vo** » Mon Jan 26, 2009 12:00 pm

Thanks alot for the feed magic mark.

Borat · Post by **Borat** » Mon Jan 26, 2009 12:23 pm

this is a dope piece. keep writing and thanks for the props dog.

|.R.SON.aLL.| · Post by **|.R.SON.aLL.|** » Thu Jan 29, 2009 1:29 am

i Loved This Piece Rai,
You are Mah Favorite Writer On illest ..
Besides Plex ..
But Fam,
U are So Nice ..
i Can Only Imagine How Great You'll Be Years Later On ..
Juss Keep Runnin Wit This Gift ..
& You`ll Go Far ..
I Promise ..
Dope Piece

Haz · Post by **Haz** » Thu Jan 29, 2009 5:37 am

This Was Pretty Dope,
Liked How Your Poem Was Structured..
You Got Potential..
Keep Droppin.

Brah-Vo · Post by **Brah-Vo** » Sat Jan 31, 2009 3:28 pm

Thanks for all the props and feed ya'll.

Brah-Vo · Post by **Brah-Vo** » Sun Feb 01, 2009 5:34 pm

upping for dfl.

Glamtrash · Post by **Glamtrash** » Wed Feb 04, 2009 1:19 pm

^ lol cute. I hate my job, I hate my job, I hate my job lol

Here's what I like about this one. You stayed true to your age yet kept it complex enough to show you're wise beyond your years. You painted and narrated a story that's simple enough for everyone to understand, and a broad enough subject for all of us, at one point or another in our lives, to relate to. You're definitely grasping a hold of your writing style. Keep 'em comin.

Borat · Post by **Borat** » Sun Mar 21, 2010 2:29 pm

went through and read this again and I gotta say.. I still enjoy it.

" Summers Ending "

" Summers Ending "

Re: " Summers Ending "

Who is online