Hip Hop Forum

i dont really rap , just about all of my friends rap tho, and i just kinda watch and learn... ive prolly wrote like 5 or 6 times before, so i dont really know what im doing.. thats why i dont leave much feed, cus i dont want to mislead anyone or anything like that lol.. but yea, feed would be appreciated..



( Verse 1 )
i feared this would happen, and in my fear i was right//
with high hopes i made dreams, and to those dreams i brought life//
and in those dreams i lived blindly over two years of my time//
i wouldn't listen to you, when you told me they'd die//
when you tried to show me reality, i would just close my eyes//
and ignore what you said, till you gave up the fight//
my decisions were wrong, but at the time they seemed right//
i got some shit on my chest, but ima release it tonight//

( Hook )
sometimes in your life you cant tell whats wrong or whats right//
just open your heart.. you'll understand what is right//
sometimes in your life you have to stand up for whats right//
no matter how hard.. stand up for whats right//
(x2 hook)

( Verse 2 )
the first time it happened, i had no reaction, i was stunned//
it ate at me bit by bit, this is where my dreams come undone//
because after the first hit landed, thats when it begun//
the dream world was dark, reality extinguished the sun//
my hopes fell apart around me, my soul became numb//
my emotions were next, eventually i gave up i was done//
i stood there stone cold, i was frozen in fright//
i got some shit on my chest, but ima release it tonight//

( Hook )
sometimes in your life you cant tell whats wrong or whats right//
just open your heart.. you'll understand what is right//
sometimes in your life you have to stand up for whats right//
no matter how hard.. stand up for whats right//
(x2 hook)

( Verse 3 )
i liked to fight, anger was my only release that helped me unwind//
i hit rock bottom, it was more frequent that suicide crossed my mind//
until one night, i grabbed the knife, and i was ready to die//
i got some shit on my chest, but ima release it tonight//


uhhm yea.. the flow is weird at points, i dont know if you guys will be able to read it and flow it the same way i did... it went well with the beat tho..ohh and the 3rd verse was really short on the beat.... uhhm if this is ok, i plan on making 1 or 2 more parts telling the rest of the story.. but anyhow feed would be appreciated

this wasnt bad
basic rhymin but was a good read
shoulda stuck sum multies up there
nice flow i managed to get it a lil
maybe fell off a lil at the end
the hook was alright coulda been better
but overall a good read
lookin foward to readin the other parts
keep'em comin

i def dig the detail and imagery of the emotion.
i jus wish i saw more lyrical fire in there.
like you said ur new to this so im sure youll pick up
but like mutual said it was a decent read.

thank you guys alot, i think with the next bits of the story ill be more detailed... i think in writing this i learned a big lesson with multis, that when i force them it just dont sound as good, i hope to elevate as i keep tellin the story..

thas wassup man