Hip Hop Forum

Posted: **Sun Dec 28, 2008 5:01 am**

i stay in a daze, thinking of the ways to behave
when meeting new people just turn into new faces you hate
im faced with a day, i'll hafta make a change to this faze
i know i'll spray with an A. Today?...I just gotta pray its delayed..
i cant help feelin' violent thoughts, of wilin' off
so bodies will have more lead than skin, n' they piled aloft
my styles just gor-geous, killin's just a hobby, is all..
im gonna pop in the door, you cant hurt me, you couldn't stop me befor'
visions of you cradlin' your mum's head, and her body is gone
what can i say, should i cry? say im sorry im born?
shit!..people need people to be appauled with
like a dad, who's teenage son's an alcoholic
who chugs the tonic, neat.... till he vomits
then realises there vod in his sick, so he wipes in a glass, n' bombs it
im just being honest, the world im seein's godless
the recipe for disaster is done, stop squeezin' garlic
the sense of helpfuless, is fallin' like bungee's
a shake of the hand for greetin', soon replaced by a gun's squeeze
i seen children impaled-on nail-bombs, show me something that stuns me..
or give me a reason for livin'..... just one.....please....
i need.. some type of medical care
fuck the church.. i need somewhere better than there..
if im a freak?.. i wouldn't do what the priest and reverend's dare
ask the kid who got molested.. about their maelevolent stare
i'll forever repair, mother earth, give her soothin' healing
remove her of her cancer, of human being's
screw the greetin's, i say lets put the world on its vile knee's
and do to it, what'd make hiroshima, look like a child's sneeze..

..

Posted: **Sun Dec 28, 2008 5:15 pm**

thought this part was dope:

or give me a reason for livin'..... just one.....please....
i need.. some type of medical care
fuck the church.. i need somewhere better than there..
if im a freak?.. i wouldn't do what the priest and reverend's dare
ask the kid who got molested.. about their maelevolent stare
i'll forever repair,

Posted: **Sun Dec 28, 2008 8:32 pm**

Since everything was original i thought the whole verse was dope.
That piece Scott quoted was the best. I think you could inserted some more word play tho. The flow was a lil off in a part. I really felt like mark really put some deep mentality in this verse thats why i enjoyed the read.

Keep droppin Bro.
If you get a chance like i did check mines out.

Posted: **Tue Dec 30, 2008 2:58 am**

it was pretty dope
sum great lines multies was hot
great original peice
real dopeness well written shit
i'm gonna enjoy readin the other parts
this was a good read
keep'em comin

Posted: **Wed Dec 31, 2008 3:44 am**

Yow mark your shit is very well prepared homie although its end rhymes i like it. Nice flow i read this agein since i was bored.

Posted: **Wed Dec 31, 2008 6:44 am**

nice piece very nice

u were on point with the topic, it was a very original piece compared to all the other shit ive read in the scripts. I like how u said ull forever repair mother earth from human beings that shit was fuckin raw dude, the delivery was crazy.
had me goin "aww damn"

shit if all 30 of these pieces are gonna be this good then im reading all of em. lol itll be one hell of a series you'll have going on.

keep it up man

Posted: **Wed Dec 31, 2008 11:53 am**

TYhis was sick. A great opener to a hopefully great series. I'd like to see you use this as a starting point and sky rocket from here in future pieces.
Concepts and punchlines were dope, as arv said, had me going DAMN Lol.
Flow was cool too. Nothing much wrong to say about this piece except the yellow font.

Posted: **Wed Dec 31, 2008 12:32 pm**

i read all 3 of the series and this ones my favourite. i found the first half kinda difficult to understand where you were going with it but the second half was dope

the sense of helpfuless, is fallin' like bungee's
a shake of the hand for greetin', soon replaced by a gun's squeeze
i seen children impaled-on nail-bombs, show me something that stuns me..
or give me a reason for livin'..... just one.....please....
i need.. some type of medical care
fuck the church.. i need somewhere better than there..
if im a freak?.. i wouldn't do what the priest and reverend's dare
ask the kid who got molested.. about their maelevolent stare
i'll forever repair, mother earth, give her soothin' healing
remove her of her cancer, of human being's
screw the greetin's, i say lets put the world on its vile knee's
and do to it, what'd make hiroshima, look like a child's sneeze..
^^^
brilliant. im feelin that shit about the church. the closer was good too. im kinda shit at giving feedback on these sort of pieces but i liked it a lot

Posted: **Wed Dec 31, 2008 12:35 pm**

yeah for real that hiroshima line was ill.

Hip Hop Forum

The Magic Mark - "Gorgeous" Collection - Part 1/30

The Magic Mark - "Gorgeous" Collection - Part 1/30