Hip Hop Forum

I lost more than a few, quite a bit more than plenty
The feelin is empty, I still have all the gifts you sent me
Never forget all the money you lent me, it helped me get by
Helped me slide through life without the wanting to die
But you keep tauntin my eyes, you not flauntings a surprise
You also gave me a daunting demise, my body eaten by flies
My windpipe seething as I strive, breathing but not alive
Weaving through the hive, words are fresh and still talking
My mind and souls crossed over, but my flesh keeps walking

With all that said, I still want to strangle your insides
Rip off your skin and hair and then mangle you in strides
Walk up to the door, grab the whore, and stab her 3 times
1 time in the neck, 1 time in the face, and 1 time in the chest
Maybe one swift line down your heart to lay you to rest
I still pray for the best, but lest we forgot bout the scarring
Fuck the physical, maybe Ill just call you for the vocab sparring
Put your best friend online moaning with "Slow Jamz" starting
Hear you crying on the other end cuz your whole lifes departing

Cant keep having these thoughts, they're gonna get me in a troubled state
Nah fuck that shit man, I wanna kill her ma too and we can call it a double date
Thats insane, Ill go to prison, Ill just leave her alone, my lifes still worth livin
You're a bitch, just listen, Ill do all the work, jus lend me the knife youve been given
Dont tell me what to do, I can make my own decisions, Im just gonna give it some time
Oh right, while she fucks all your friends standin in line? Ya boys just rammin her fine
They can do what they want, me and her are done, Im not gonna listen to a word you said
Wrong choice son, you missin the bigger mission, too bad, Ill just have to kill you instead

First thing I've written in 4 months. Feed will be returned.

GAH!
Good to see you writin again bro.

First and second verse was raw. I was really feeling it.
The line for line was OKAY, but it kinda fell off like:

Dont tell me what to do, I can make my own decisions, Im just gonna give it some time
Oh right, while she fucks all your friends standin in line? Ya boys just rammin her fine

rammin her fine? Sorry but it didnt get to me.

But the rest of this was sick. Props Beta Bill.

Beta Bill?

anyway yeah this was pretty dope stuff
nice to see ya writin again
the flow was a little off but the vocab was sick
kept to the topic nicely
this was dope over all nice comeback
hope u keep'em comin

nice, you still got it sport, that "dont care to cross the line" attitude is still burning, its easy to see in what you write fam good shit.


You also gave me a daunting demise, my body eaten by flies
My windpipe seething as I strive, breathing but not alive
Weaving through the hive, words are fresh and still talking
My mind and souls crossed over, but my flesh keeps walking

^^best part

keep it up man, you have mad potential into making something outta your writing, something unique with your style that no one else can capture. youve got a ways to go man and im hoping you keep on writing.

good job delta bill

lol @ delta bill.

Epsilon Bill.

Upping for feed.