Hip Hop Forum

WAR TORN AND STATED.

Her words, they move me.
Rattle me numb, like the deepest battle drum.
If I'd learn from past battles… I'd a shielded up.
But like always I find myself completely open.

Bouncing words around her daggers.
My plan's to attack her, till she's forced to fight back.
And if heated words are all I can catch.
Sure I'll snatch a pack; honestly I could use the energy
Before the next enemy.

They say “all's un-fair in war and love,
A broken heart scar's, much like a knife drawing bloodâ€

This was a good read, on the simple side, but def wasn't a boring piece. Could've used much more emotion and creativity though. A lil more vivid imagery would've upped this piece up a notch. Nice read though. 1

Are you new? Clearly the subtlety of the metaphors went over your simple head, because this is anything but simple and lacking creativity.


Sickly clones and modern wars will break your bones.
Letter's of war settled the score, and helped us learn from our words.
So now we all speak in silence.
Stack the fallen and teeter totter between white noise.

I like it. You're playing around with your writing style, which will only help you grow in the long run. My only advice to you would be to up your vocabulary and polish off your structure.

Good shit guy, keep droppin.

thank you for the feed! finally some feed i can work with.

I'm glad someone can sorta see where Im going with my writing.
It will only get better in the future keep lookin for me.

this was dope man...

the fourth stanza and the closing one stood out to me the most, they were real nice man keep up the good work and drop more for me to read. lol