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my verse from the tourny. id like some feed on this one sice it was a kinda approach for me. feed will be returned





When You Die You Go To A Place Where….

Life Was A Tributary, To A Sea Of Segregation…Cold As The Night Air
Enter An Empire Of Emptiness, Empty Like The Souls That Reside There
A Place Where Everything Is Nothing, Just A Black Seismic Chasm
Time On Earth A Forlorn Forgotten Figment, In Your Eyes A Spasm
But Your Memories Departed, Your Not Conscious Of Your Own Skin
No Angels With Red Carpets, Your Not Conscious Of Your Own Kin
A Place Where Everything Is Nothing, Where You Never Really Exist
Unknown Past, No Future, A Last Chance To Float Freely But Missed
Coz Ur Perception Has Perished, Imagine If You Could See Its Brutal
Your Deception Is Cherished, Unaware All Lifes Good Deeds Were Futile
An Abyss, Where Galaxy's Intertwine, You Roam Amongst Infinity
Alone In The Vicinity, No Affinity, There's No Home For Your Divinity
Everything Is Nothing, The Meaning Of Life Is An Historical Lesson
With Logic And Comprehension, It Would Be A Rhetorical Question,
But Your Oblivious, In Oblivion, Conveyor Belt With No End To The Line
A Place Where You Are Nothing, Merely DNA….Suspended In Time

Cee4 wrote:my verse from the tourny. id like some feed on this one sice it was a kinda approach for me. feed will be returned





When You Die You Go To A Place Where….

Life Was A Tributary, To A Sea Of Segregation…Cold As The Night Air
Enter An Empire Of Emptiness, Empty Like The Souls That Reside There
A Place Where Everything Is Nothing, Just A Black Seismic Chasm
Time On Earth A Forlorn Forgotten Figment, In Your Eyes A Spasm
But Your Memories Departed, Your Not Conscious Of Your Own Skin
No Angels With Red Carpets, Your Not Conscious Of Your Own Kin
A Place Where Everything Is Nothing, Where You Never Really Exist
Unknown Past, No Future, A Last Chance To Float Freely But Missed
Coz Ur Perception Has Perished, Imagine If You Could See Its Brutal
Your Deception Is Cherished, Unaware All Lifes Good Deeds Were Futile
An Abyss, Where Galaxy's Intertwine, You Roam Amongst Infinity
Alone In The Vicinity, No Affinity, There's No Home For Your Divinity
Everything Is Nothing, The Meaning Of Life Is An Historical Lesson
With Logic And Comprehension, It Would Be A Rhetorical Question,
But Your Oblivious, In Oblivion, Conveyor Belt With No End To The Line
A Place Where You Are Nothing, Merely DNA….Suspended In Time

I thought you executed the topic great with a clear image in mind from the beginning to end. The flow wasn't remarkable, there wasn't any ground breaking philosophical break through, but you got your point across vividly and probably did the best you could with a limited amount of bars.

yeah this was pretty deep
stayed on topic real well
lyrics and vocab were great
nice shit fam

thanks. i will return the feed just kinda busy right now

uppin more feed

Over nice read

Fav line
Everything Is Nothing, The Meaning Of Life Is An Historical Lesson
With Logic And Comprehension, It Would Be A Rhetorical Question,



Over all good job.. few words felt forced..

i guess try adding extra rhymes..more complex. but that can be hard when trying to stay on topic or get across a feeling.


1

I liked it. Flow was abit choppy at times but that doesnt matter. Stayed on point throughout. Good ish my dude

i think its pretty DOPE..I like topical stuff and your in that topic
like a quartz in a timex no strayin lot's a straight talk..
I like most of the rhythm and depth you brought...

===================================================================

But Your Memories Departed, Your Not Conscious Of Your Own Skin
No Angels With Red Carpets, Your Not Conscious Of Your Own Kin


^^^^^^^^^^^^ I like the rhythm change here..^^^^^^^^^^^^^
============================================================================
A Place Where Everything Is Nothing, Where You Never Really Exist
Unknown Past, No Future, A Last Chance To Float Freely But Missed
Coz Ur Perception Has Perished, Imagine If You Could See Its Brutal

^^^^I think this transfer would be the only hiccup if any I.M.O.^^^^^^^^^^



just my personal opinion I thought it was all smooth though peace..

thanks for the feed.

Good content. I agree that the flow wasn't as fluid but I think your use of complex syllables and words cause that more than the actual structure itself. The imagery is there, I especially dig the Conveyor Belt line, I thought that it was clever. Good shit nonetheless.