Hip Hop Forum

http://www.illestlyrics.com/board/lil-b ... html#90904


People say that im sick cause I indulge in cannibal instincts
Learned not to take offence, I'd just handle my business
By eatin' out your daughters n' other scandoulous bitches
Fuckin' like we animals, they ravenous vixens
Bumping n' grindin' would surely be damagin' pistons
Tickin' off doggy n' cowgirl like an amateurs wish list
No matter how posh the bitch, ill be havin' them lick this
probably with their girlfriend who's grabbin my dick quick
But only after they toyed themselves with rabbit's and clit-clips
We coke the bitches up so they aint mad when we fist em'
Head to the fridge for whipped cream, soon we damage the kitcken
open there lips, then there legs, they'll be glad when Im next in
ive had girls who had dad blowin' on em, like what'd happen to rich kids
first we please em' then we tease em' with slappin n' missed hits
a little bit of roleplay, im the captain of this ship
and she's the dirty sailor who jus' couldn't manage the fishin'
so she got wetter than a beach when she was slammed in postion
Tied her up with the nets that entangled her wrists n'
and I didn't let her go, cause she was branded as vicious..

hahahaha shit son dis was loco dawg lol shit was nice as hell haha had me rollin wit da coke line and all reminded me of The Departed when Nicholson poured sum on them hoes lol keep droppin dis was sick and funny haha

That Was a Pretty Dope Concept Young ..
It Was Pulled Off Real Clever ..
Tighten Up Tha Multies a Bit Smoother, it Woulda Ripped Kid ..
Props ..

Lmao great stuff mark, I loved the whole thing, and the bitches will too if they read this!!

thi shit was dope son, i like how you went the whole verse in one rhyme scheme, no really does that on here other me, that ive seen... concept and rhymes were dope, nothin forced or stretched out, nice clean flow, choppy in some parts wit the filler an such but overall i very nice piece man

cool guys, thanks alot, i appreciate the feed back... shall be / has been returned.

Lol, and yeah i seen some of your rhymscheme pieces, im inspired by pieces like that, a few people on other sites do the same, so im trying to improve that aspect of my writing..

chea's..

..( R.SON.aLL ).. wrote:Tighten Up Tha Multies a Bit Smoother, it Woulda Ripped Kid ..

He's British The Multis Are Rock Solid in a British Accent, Just Clearing That Up.

The Flow On This Was Smooth as Hell, Obviously Helped By The Consistent 1 Multi Per Bar Scheme. u Already Know What i Think Of The Multis, Keeping On Topic With The Same Rhyme For That Many Bars is a Skill On it's Own. For What it Was (a Lyrical Flex Of The Muscles) it Was Dope. To Me There Weren't Really No Stand Out Lines, Well Maybe The Coke One, So There Weren't Exactly No Oooh Or Ahhh Moments. But it's Clear What ur Mind Was Set On With This (The Title Makes it Obvious) And u Showed Us What u Can Do With Syllables. id Like To See Some Drops With Content Though, u Have Potential.

i like this shit, i agree with "ghost" on rhyming through the whole thing shit was dope.

Son This was fire..
You pulled the concept off Beautiful..
Like Ghost Said i Liked How U Kept The Same Scheme
your Definitley gettin Betta With ya Writin..
Keep It Comin Homie

haha this was nice. i take it you had the multis first then built the story around them?
anyway the flow was perfect, the multis all checked out to me. ive had the same problem with certain words not rhyming to americans when they do to me.

a little bit of roleplay, im the captain of this ship
and she's the dirty sailor who jus' couldn't manage the fishin'
so she got wetter than a beach when she was slammed in postion
^^^^
lol this was good. couldnt really find anymore killer punches but this verse was more to work the multis which you did well