Hip Hop Forum

<i> just for a giggle quick ish keystyle

Everyday my fellings throb-it's-numb trust me being a slob-anit-fun
i'm sick of hearing fuck off i'll flog-ya-one just get a job-you-bum
my life is so sad it's almost pathetic, i'm tired of searching-for-pay
not really, i just think working-is-gay so i stay out lurking-for-pray
found a person-to-spray, yeah i've got em smashed-up-now-swipe-these
got my self some thrashed-up-nikes to match up my patched-up-tight-jeans
now it's sorta like lotto tickets are getting scratched-up-like-ice-fiends
my life is wrapped up, door bells? shit i'll just choke-at-the-sound
lighting up smokes-off-the-ground, yeah i'm a bum and i'm broke-and-proud! </i>

nice flow
nice mutlies
they flowed with it pretty well
the flow was a little choppy in places
but fo a keystyle this shit was pretty good
overall dope shit keep'em comin

One Of ur Main Skills is u Point Out The Most Random Shit When u Write a Topic. Like The Really Suttle Shit Relevant To The Topic That No-One Else Will Think Of, Keep at it.

Multis And Flow Were Fine, Even Though u Skipped a Syllable With The Last One. Obviously it Was Just a Fun Drop So i Didn't Exactly Feel Enlightened, Or Touched, Or Whatever After id Read it But i Did Smirk a Bit, Which is What ur Target is Writing Something Like This.

Good Job.

...Ay This Shit Was Funny to Me, Where U Made Tha Multies About His Gear ..
Pulled That Off Kinda Fresh ..
I Liked That Bar Tha Most ..
It Was a Koo Drop Fam, You Mos Deffo are improvin Wit ya Skill ..
Juss Gotta Master it Now ..
Props

<i> thanks for the positive feed fellas </i>

Thanks For The Positive HIV Test.

Lmaooo

It's been a while since I've read one of your drops, but I can see the elevation in your writing.
Hard to say if it's because your getting more experience through practice or becuz you're getting older. Maybe both. haha But none the less I can see the improvement.
For a quick lil sumthin-sumthin it was entertaining, but not really earth-shattering. Multi's were nice, I guess the only thing I wasn't feelin was the 'somewhat' contridiction at the end. Throughout the story you make it sound like he's speakin of his troubles, but at the end he's broke and proud!? Kinda doesn't fit. haha
But it's aiight...it was a quick thang, so I guess it doesn't really matter.
Keep droppin bruh.

Damn dude I cuda swore I left feed on this cuz I read it already lol...:d

Anyways this was very entertaining, nice and short...the multis were ok, they stood out greatly but that also made some mistakes very visible...like the:

"Smash-up-now-wipe-these" doesn't match in syllables with "patched up tight jeans"...the syllables are most important in multis, uve got the beginning rhymes and end rhymes already..good job.

Keep it up man this was a very original piece dude, nice..
8/10



Btw:
Can u vote in the magic mark vs arv round 2?

We need fair voters sir...thanks

gotta agree with the rest.. i see elevation and i see skill.. some nice multies (except that u lacked a syllable a few places - that's something that would point out if ur to put this in audio)

had good structure, good flow.. ur gettin better.. it's been a while since i've read anything from u.. and u like where ur heading.. keep doin your thing!

the thing is if you claim "multi king" make sure ur syllabols match man, and dont force em. u had some decent lines in this piece, it was aight for what it was. ur showin improvement thou, jus work on usin words right and matchin ur syllabols right

To be blunt, your multies are too mediocre for your Multi King title. Flow was alright, but choppy like mentioned. I don't know if it bothers other peeps, but that hyphening shit is annoying. If you really know how to use multies, peeps will pick it up, you don't have to use hyphens to make em stand out. Other than that, shit was pretty decent. Thought I'd come critique your shit since you were nice enough to leave some constructive feedback on my Intro thread.

Yeah ha this was a humerous script. The drop was nice reading wasnt the best but i got where u was coming from. You just needa work on ya flow a little its the thing that could use improvement. Overall this was good dog.

SequencE wrote:<i> just for a giggle quick ish keystyle

Everyday my fellings throb-it's-numb trust me being a slob-anit-fun
i'm sick of hearing fuck off i'll flog-ya-one just get a job-you-bum
my life is so sad it's almost pathetic, i'm tired of searching-for-pay
not really, i just think working-is-gay so i stay out lurking-for-pray
found a person-to-spray, yeah i've got em smashed-up-now-swipe-these
got my self some thrashed-up-nikes to match up my patched-up-tight-jeans
now it's sorta like lotto tickets are getting scratched-up-like-ice-fiends
my life is wrapped up, door bells? shit i'll just choke-at-the-sound
lighting up smokes-off-the-ground, yeah i'm a bum and i'm broke-and-proud! </i>

hehe, your right man. That did provide a giggle!

"got my self some thrashed-up-nikes to match up my patched-up-tight-jeans
now it's sorta like lotto tickets are getting scratched-up-like-ice-fiends "

was funny as hell.
I like the random aspects you put into your work bro.
Keep'um droppin!