Hip Hop Forum

Mentality of a dying man...the experience of a bullet going through ur flesh...take note of the psychological stages this man goes through..


rippin, piercin, hellish pain
Torchure scorch of shell remains
Skin and blood and cries and tears
My flesh is torn and rises fears



Bloaw!!!!


Im dropped by the pop-of-the-gun-clip, my heart throbs-as-my-guts-rip, to cease-the-pain
And stoppin-the-blood-drips, I calm my breathin so my mind can ease-the-same,
Emotions-hit, freeze-the-frame, cuz everything felt motionless, im strugglin-for-breath,
I was runnin-from-death but I still felt one in my waist n another one-in-my-chest,
I can almost hear the drain-of-health, I blame-myself... why'd it have to be-like-this??

Cuz here on the streets-I-sit....

Under His feet-id-kiss, to have another day with the wifey-id-miss, and to again see-my-kids
I tried to sit-down-still, breathing-hard eyes to the sky pleading-God why have His-own-killed?
I was strong-willed, hopefully I live to see another day so I can stop climbing the wrong-hill,
I would be a changed-man, If i pass this stage-and pass away cuz of a dying age like I made planned...
I would read and appreciate the bible's every page-and id pray every day no longer a raged-man
But I became afraid...cuz my every breath frigid, my life comin off short like inbred midgits
Losing warmth, I looked like a broken bottle of ketchup how I was drippin red-liquid,
Felt my breath-quicken, my blood pulsatin through my veins as much as-my-brain-managed
it burned like infernal-flame-habits so my flesh wounds were nothing to the internal-things-damage.
Now my sights blurry, im decreasing senses, my fingertips numb now im feeling helpless
I've never felt this, im not ready to meet elvis, but fuck..im starting to get breathless..
My nerves are going crazy, im hoping-it'll-stop...the blood in my veins are flowin-like-they'll-pop,
Please...no...I think I just have to open-up-to-God...cuz I've lost it all now im going-into-shock...

God take me...



Paramedics come..: "we lost him..."
_________________

this shit go hard family

This Was a Nice Concept , You Molded It Straight,
Aint Feel you Molded It To Full Affect There's Alot you Coulda Done
To Give More To The Reader,
To Be Honest Chill With All ya Off Rhyme Multis, Some of Um Jus Don't Go

Overrall For Somethin Written Quick This Was Decent..

The Storyline Was Coo..

Thanks uppin

it flowed well nice concept n topic stayed on them well ya do this shit well this was one of ya best scripts man the multies were dope went with the topic brilliantly keep'em comin

damn that was killer.
10/10

Bump.

Feed up

Is this kid serious?

anyways..

yeah this was cool, first bit was real nice.. multis where hot, flow was pretty much tits throughout the whole piece, stayed nice.

"i looked like a broken bottle of ketchup" - that kinda through it off for me a bit, it was a nice sombre piece, then that kinda was a weird thought, and a little simple, just totally out of tone with the rest of the piece

"god why have his own killed" bar was pretty tight, nice thought and message

overall - 7/10 - was a real good read..

thanks man, this was the topical we were supposed to battle for...

u no showed this one so i just posted it.

when did i no-show it? i remember it coming up... but i never remember it being made a battle...

Dude tgyh closed it because u asked him to...I know u didn't check but thas what the dude said... idk though lol no big deal man.