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lifes...toll

Posted: Thu Jun 29, 2006 10:11 pm
by craven
sitting back wondering.. the world twurls...when suddenly everything become hazy..
u start to shake ppl start to wonder if u fake...can u take the shit dished.
would u get pissed and throw a fist or would u stay calm and laid back
bite yo toungre and dont talk smack....this shit is fucked.....the ones u loved turn on u...
just like that...the nigguhs that was there for u suddenly become yo enemies...
and then it seems like everysingle day just drifts away and the air around runs thin.....
your blood flows flows fast....and heart stopped....u drop.....suddenly..ur not what u think..
ur not who u are....just another lonely bieng in world...another life taken....
another lonely death....when ur minds ablunder u hear the thunder...roll...and lifes took its toll...

Posted: Fri Jun 30, 2006 2:35 am
by 16 Micz
k lost me with the flow but yea it wasnt impressive just keep it up.

Posted: Sun Jul 02, 2006 6:16 am
by complexity
it was alright for a poem, the rhymes were pretty weak, i don't know about that structure either. 6/10

Posted: Sun Jul 02, 2006 9:08 am
by drunken jesus
you really suck dick at writing