Welcome to Illest Lyrics forum established in 2005.
----
Free Vapes

Prisoner To Reality

Drop your written rhymes in one of the largest collections of original rhymes on the internet. The feedback in our Written Rhymes section will simply amaze you.

Moderators: Loon E Lou, Enlightend

Post Reply
Haz
Supreme Lyricist
Offline
Posts: 6800
Joined: Mon Dec 18, 2006 1:41 am
Wins: 67
Losses: 70
Location: The Port

Prisoner To Reality

Post by Haz »

http://www.illestlyrics.com/board/dark- ... html#92390

In the Sea Of dreams There's many Thing's that Can Effect your Journey..
Different ways Of seeing a Dream.. Soon you Realize your a


Prisoner To reality.



Awake my Dreams are Shackled-n-ish,Left deep with in Like Tackles-fa-Fish..
When aids Came i believed in Magic, why Can't i Tackle-a-Wish?!?!..
My mind has Me inprisioned,..Cold Walls in Wishin..My One Meal Reality was
Incisioned,Cut out the Picture a Caloge-Piece..Payin every Year under Gods-Lease
Once i get in space,i Drift ina Black-hole, A star Never known To Lack-soul
When my Eyes shut, my Mind-opens..Burning Imagery Like i'm-Smokin...
Deseption is Dime-Tolkin..Sometimes i Plee-n-Fiend 4 a Betta Job-n-Shit..
But theres Pirate's in the Sea-of-Dreams That'll Rob-ya-ship ("you can't do it")
Still Reality is Shanked-Into-Me..And my Fantasys are Planked-Into-Sea..
There's a Slight Drought when im Depressed-as-hell..i Don't Rest-as-Welll..
My Thoughts Crushed Bearin-tons..Sharin-none..Dreamin Big like "here-it-comes!"
Till it Never Shows up Like a Battle Rapper, i Dunt Care-it-s-Done..My Dream
Theres no Way 2 Compare-it-Son..'Reality n Dreams' u Can't Pair-as-One..
(WAIT!) i Remember this One Chick-From..School She Loved the Dick-Son...
Loved Ta Lick-Cum..N Make my Tip-Numb, She was a Dream-Come-True
Cause i Use 2 Dream-Of-Who?..The Hott-Lady!... one Day She told Me i'm her
Baby's POP-KRAZY!..Then Told Me da 'POPS-MAYBE"..i Hada COP HAZE B...
Pissd-in-Da-En..Inprisioned-Again..cause Lifes a Kick-in-Da-Ass..
But i'm Resistin-Ta-Fas..'Fed Lies'..Like a Agent-Gun'd-Down...
Till da 'Pool of Dreams' is Vacent-Sun-Down,right Before-i-Rest!...
i'm Thinkin im Poor-a-Mess.. And i'm Steady Wishing For-da-Bes...Den i Dream..
I Catch a Slight-Stare...At No Mice-Here...and i Got Million's on Flight-Here
In My palms..it's Reached dawn, i See Light-flare.. i Realize i'm Inprisiond by Reality, It's a Night-mare...
Last edited by Haz on Sun Oct 12, 2008 7:16 am, edited 2 times in total.
Image
Top
User avatar
Def-init
Elite Freestyler
Offline
Posts: 274
Joined: Wed Oct 08, 2008 9:48 am
Wins: 3
Losses: 3
Location: Toronto

nice

Post by Def-init »

Ayo, I felt that a lot.

"Awake my Dreams are Shackled-n-ish,Left deep in with Like Tackles-fa-Fish..
When aids Came i believed in Magic, why Can't i Tackle-a-Wish?!?!..
My mind has Me inprisioned,..Cold Walls in Wishin..My One Meal Reality was
Incisioned,Cut out the Picture a Caloge-Piece..Payin every Year under Gods-Lease "

Was really slick man. Look forward to reading more!
- If I can't bend Heaven, I shall move Hell. -
Top
Haz
Supreme Lyricist
Offline
Posts: 6800
Joined: Mon Dec 18, 2006 1:41 am
Wins: 67
Losses: 70
Location: The Port

Post by Haz »

Thanks Alot homie.. i Appreciate The Feed..


Uppin..
Image
Top
User avatar
MagicMark
Rap Assassin
Offline
Posts: 625
Joined: Thu May 29, 2008 11:33 pm
Wins: 13
Losses: 14

Post by MagicMark »

yeah this was cool... though some of the multis where a little awkward.. it felt like some of the sentences had to to be written to have the rhyme at the end.. overall that was my only criticsm.. you have an unusally rhyming pattern.. but it works.. keep showin dem skills..
Image
Top
User avatar
i.Eat.Rappers
Dedicated Emcee
Offline
Posts: 78
Joined: Sun Aug 03, 2008 9:40 am
Wins: 1
Losses: 1

Post by i.Eat.Rappers »

This was dope! id like to hear it audio though.



Awake my Dreams are Shackled-n-ish,Left deep with in Like Tackles-fa-Fish..
When aids Came i believed in Magic, why Can't i Tackle-a-Wish?!?!..




My Thoughts Crushed Bearin-tons..Sharin-none..Dreamin Big like "here-it-comes!"
Till it Never Shows up Like a Battle Rapper, i Dunt Care-it-s-Done..My Dream
Theres no Way 2 Compare-it-Son..'Reality n Dreams' u Can't Pair-as-One..
(WAIT!) i Remember this One Chick-From..School She Loved the Dick-Son...
Loved Ta Lick-Cum..N Make my Tip-Numb, She was a Dream-Come-True
Cause i Use 2 Dream-Of-Who?..The Hott-Lady!... one Day She told Me i'm her
Baby's POP-KRAZY!..Then Told Me da 'POPS-MAYBE"..i Hada COP HAZE B...
Pissd-in-Da-En..Inprisioned-Again..cause Lifes a Kick-in-Da-Ass..
But i'm Resistin-Ta-Fas..'Fed Lies'..Like a Agent-Gun'd-Down...
Till da 'Pool of Dreams' is Vacent-Sun-Down,right Before-i-Rest!...
i'm Thinkin im Poor-a-Mess.. And i'm Steady Wishing For-da-Bes...Den i Dream..
I Catch a Slight-Stare...At No Mice-Here...and i Got Million's on Flight-Here
In My palms..it's Reached dawn, i See Light-flare.. i Realize i'm Inprisiond by Reality, It's a Night-mare...



all that was tight. drop more of ya shit becuse im digging this. i aint gonna give feed because u came nice all around with it. you caught my attention in the first bar, and i like how u were creative with it. im liking these fuckers
My wins only rise...
While my losses stay the same
Top
User avatar
Arvincible
Unstoppable Emcee
Offline
Posts: 2304
Joined: Fri Dec 28, 2007 9:05 pm
Wins: 67
Losses: 18
Location: So Cal

Re: Prisoner To Reality

Post by Arvincible »

Awake my Dreams are Shackled-n-ish,Left deep with in Like Tackles-fa-Fish..
When aids Came i believed in Magic, why Can't i Tackle-a-Wish?!?!..
________
great opener turban head, cudve incorporated magic and wish more but its ok..


..Sometimes i Plee-n-Fiend 4 a Betta Job-n-Shit..
But theres Pirate's in the Sea-of-Dreams That'll Rob-ya-ship ("you can't do it")

________
decent extended metaphor, multis were cool


Still Reality is Shanked-Into-Me..And my Fantasys are Planked-Into-Sea..
There's a Slight Drought when im Depressed-as-hell..i Don't Rest-as-Welll..

_____
first part was creative
and the second line...didnt like that part at all. hell well


My Thoughts Crushed Bearin-tons..Sharin-none..Dreamin Big like "here-it-comes!"
Till it Never Shows up Like a Battle Rapper, i Dunt Care-it-s-Done..My Dream
Theres no Way 2 Compare-it-Son..'Reality n Dreams' u Can't Pair-as-One..

__________
like ive said in the past...u need ur better part of the line to come in the end, not in the middle.


(WAIT!) i Remember this One Chick-From..School She Loved the Dick-Son...
Loved Ta Lick-Cum..N Make my Tip-Numb, She was a Dream-Come-True
Cause i Use 2 Dream-Of-Who?..The Hott-Lady!... one Day She told Me i'm her
Baby's POP-KRAZY!..Then Told Me da 'POPS-MAYBE"..i Hada COP HAZE B...
Pissd-in-Da-En..Inprisioned-Again..cause Lifes a Kick-in-Da-Ass..
But i'm Resistin-Ta-Fas..'Fed Lies'..Like a Agent-Gun'd-Down...
Till da 'Pool of Dreams' is Vacent-Sun-Down,right Before-i-Rest!...

_________________
full of multis man, but the irony in this was the flow didnt come off as rap but more leaning towards DC.


i'm Thinkin im Poor-a-Mess.. And i'm Steady Wishing For-da-Bes...Den i Dream..
I Catch a Slight-Stare...At No Mice-Here...and i Got Million's on Flight-Here
In My palms..it's Reached dawn, i See Light-flare.. i Realize i'm Inprisiond by Reality, It's a Night-mare...[/quote]


____________
good closer turban head.

Overall u need to work on the connection n delivery from the beginning to end of the bars

and ur multis are good already. no hate here, Keep it up fag.
Top
Haz
Supreme Lyricist
Offline
Posts: 6800
Joined: Mon Dec 18, 2006 1:41 am
Wins: 67
Losses: 70
Location: The Port

Post by Haz »

Thanks Alot Fam.. i got Chu wid Feed..
Uppin
Image
Top
Haz
Supreme Lyricist
Offline
Posts: 6800
Joined: Mon Dec 18, 2006 1:41 am
Wins: 67
Losses: 70
Location: The Port

Post by Haz »

Uppin
Image
Top
User avatar
precise
Elevated
Offline
Posts: 2435
Joined: Wed Jan 18, 2006 6:08 am
Wins: 20
Losses: 7

Post by precise »

niiice, u rode the topic very well, it was definately a great read, rhymes were on point, had a couple nice metaphores in there, the whole ship theme you carried for a bit was nice
Image


facin me? its mission impossible, like pickin up lesbian broads
fuck all these thespian frauds, they "bug me" like espionage
Top
User avatar
Prit-E
Rookie
Offline
Posts: 15
Joined: Mon Oct 20, 2008 1:14 pm
Wins: 0
Losses: 0

Post by Prit-E »

NICE FLOW BUT YA SPELLING MADE IT A HARD READ....LIKE THE CONCEPT..IMAGERY IS COOL...WORK ON CONNECTING EACH CONCEPT THOUGH..SOUNDED WEIRD AT TIMES LIKE IT DIDN'T MAKE SENSE...
Top
Haz
Supreme Lyricist
Offline
Posts: 6800
Joined: Mon Dec 18, 2006 1:41 am
Wins: 67
Losses: 70
Location: The Port

Post by Haz »

lol ok
Image
Top
User avatar
Cee4
Rhyme Dominator
Offline
Posts: 2846
Joined: Thu May 31, 2007 9:52 pm
Wins: 58
Losses: 16

Post by Cee4 »

this was nioe Haz. flowed was perfect. the first half of the verse was straight fire. probably the best shit ive heard from u in a long time

My mind has Me inprisioned,..Cold Walls in Wishin..My One Meal Reality was
Incisioned,Cut out the Picture a Caloge-Piece..Payin every Year under Gods-Lease
Once i get in space,i Drift ina Black-hole, A star Never known To Lack-soul
When my Eyes shut, my Mind-opens..Burning Imagery Like i'm-Smokin...
Deseption is Dime-Tolkin..Sometimes i Plee-n-Fiend 4 a Betta Job-n-Shit..
But theres Pirate's in the Sea-of-Dreams That'll Rob-ya-ship ("you can't do it")
^^^
dope


the last couple bars were straight too. u finished the verse nice

the only thing that through me off was this bit

(WAIT!) i Remember this One Chick-From..School She Loved the Dick-Son...
Loved Ta Lick-Cum..N Make my Tip-Numb, She was a Dream-Come-True
Cause i Use 2 Dream-Of-Who?..The Hott-Lady!... one Day She told Me i'm her
Baby's POP-KRAZY!..Then Told Me da 'POPS-MAYBE"..i Hada COP HAZE B...
^^^
a bit basic but apart from that the verse was fine 8/8.5 outta 10
Image
Image
Top
Post Reply

Return to “Written Rhymes”

Who is online

Users browsing this forum: No registered users and 3 guests