Distant World

[-TraMaTiK-]

aint dropped in'a while soo heres a lil somethin i did a few days ago,leave feed ill return it

listen 2 the waves n the water hit the beach
feel the passion n magic below ya feet
let the wind capture ur bones 2nite
its a different feelin im home aight
see the flame from a fire fill the air
feelin so warm but the chill iz there
calm waters move from a slight breeze
walkin on the shore as the night seems
electric,covered with a velvet sky
my dream, yea ive held it high
no remorse bathin in the sands of time
watchin life slip the these hands of mine
shackled down yet i still stand n shine
the moon like a laser it scans my mind
perception iz sharp and the plan iz fine

[LadySam]

this was alright, it flowed really well IMO, keep dropping =)

[Haz]

Yooo...

I Loved the Rhyme scheme Son.. & the Multies.. that Shit wus So Smooth..
So much Description yo.. Even if its Little it Shows ur Growth as a Writer..
How u Made me Feel Like i Wus Dere how Much i Described it..



calm waters move from a slight breeze
walkin on the shore as the night seems
electric,covered with a velvet sky
my dream, yea ive held it high
no remorse bathin in the sands of time
watchin life slip the these hands of mine
shackled down yet i still stand n shine <------- Ill
the moon like a laser it scans my mind
perception iz sharp and the plan iz fine


This wus Good Homie.. Next Time Drop more Aiight?? ...

[-TraMaTiK-]

thanks,uppin

[Glamtrash]

Good shit, but it's really short. Make it longer next time.


Rock on.

[M.O.B]

good shit yo... keep dropin






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[complexity]

Well, this was to short for me to praise it.

It's an alright concept. The flow was on point.

Maybe you can add a second verse to it later.

Keep at it.