It's Gotta Rain

-TraMaTiK- · Post by **-TraMaTiK-** » Fri Jun 22, 2007 12:54 pm

i feel like a rose that cant open up,my leaves are dying
feeling weathered and weak,'i need water' is what im crying
the clouds block my sunlight,and my seeds need to blossom
but now that my sun is blocked,my owner cant watch em
im soaking up all i can from the ground below
but theres only so much to get,since its so cold
my roots are freezing and i cant maintain
my functions are decreasing and im in pain
the moon cant be out forever right,its gotta rain
before my life is wiped out and i become slain

MesaR · Post by **MesaR** » Sat Jun 23, 2007 9:09 am

Pretty Decent Man, Coulda Have Added Abit More Vocab And Flow Was Alright..
But Yeah If You Can Fix It Up And Reword It Abit, It Would Make it hella solid

FAV BARS

i feel like a rose that cant open up,my leaves are dying
feeling weathered and weak,'i need water' is what im crying
the clouds block my sunlight,and my seeds need to blossom
but now that my sun is blocked,my owner cant watch em

-TraMaTiK- · Post by **-TraMaTiK-** » Sat Jun 23, 2007 9:22 am

kool kool..thanks 4 the feed..uppin

Ambiguous Realm · Post by **Ambiguous Realm** » Sat Jun 23, 2007 2:18 pm

it was koo.. i was expecting something else tho from the title.. like people dieing from dehydration and heat strokes or somethin of that sort

-TraMaTiK- · Post by **-TraMaTiK-** » Sun Jun 24, 2007 12:49 pm

koo koo..thanks 4 the feed

Sweet Joe · Post by **Sweet Joe** » Mon Jun 25, 2007 5:52 pm

"kool kool..thanks 4 the feed"
"koo koo..thanks 4 the feed"
lol.
but seriously...
i like it.
Fav line
"my functions are decreasing and im in pain
the moon cant be out forever right,its gotta rain"

-TraMaTiK- · Post by **-TraMaTiK-** » Tue Jun 26, 2007 12:34 am

thanks man..that wasnt my personal fav bar but thanks man

Young K · Post by **Young K** » Fri Jul 06, 2007 12:29 am

This was a decent piece...
It flowed nicely and meant something...
Feeling this...

It's Gotta Rain

It's Gotta Rain

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