rip it real good

[Defiance]

yo i couldnt listen to audio so i fed some written verses

...
this is a track i've been working on,

Again, I am a Rapper not a producer so my mixing could be off, quality shit like that, i just want feed on the concept and lyrics and chorus, beat too..

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[Alvin]

the beginning effect is too strong. Lyrics are good, but breath control seems to be an issue, you loose the rhythm because you breathe lol. Chorus not feeling, effect is too aggressive. Your lyric delivery could prolly be better if you played with your eq, you have a lot of highs, which blur all the in between. Play with the low end of your eq, so it gives it a wider range. I still say bone meets Cypress lol. Your good man, find a producer. See what you sound like when your not limited and see if your still good.

[Defiance]

Upping man, gotta hear more about this everyone i've had listen to it says its dope..
but i need fuel from my peers of hip hop
so hit it up, and thanks Punch'd drunk

[ScottJames]

its aiight, im not a fan of that stupid devil sounding chorus..thats gay... rip it real good....no u wont...

ur voice? too squeaky, not likin that..

i had a hard time understanding what u were saying.. it wasnt very clear... ur flow sounded decent from what i could make out... keep practicing

[Defiance]

thanks i guess, (didnt know i was squeaky) probably just my non use of equalization

upping

[eLmo]

I don't think squeaky is the correct term to use. I believe the mixing and mastering on this track are very lacking and give your voice that not quite right effect.

I definitely here some good patterns and flows sprinkled around, but it seems kind of inconsistent (make sense?).

I also do not care for the hook, and the voice effect at the beginning.

Keep it up though, def see potential, and your right about coming here for criticism, when you show it to a friend, it's not the same as letting a stranger listen to it and let you know what they think.

-eLmo

[Defiance]

upping
this shiz only 3 feeds need more

[ShysT]

not feelin the beat and the hook could have been done better. Your emotion is good but like elmo said its inconsistant and your vocals are to loud I think.
I definitely heard some good flow and some good rhymes though you got some skill in there. I would jay you gotta relax a bit though, no matter though keep it up

[lyrical1]

kinda funky/crunk feel wit the way the beat sounds. Good flow. Keep em comin

[Slicka]

id work more on ya flow...i heard what you tried to do if you restrucutred your bars made them connect more then it would be a dope song....need to focus more on riding the beat 2.....the rip it real good wit the chorus sounds like the pitch is almost changed 2 much maybe a couple octives higher would fix this or dont mix it complete wit the affefct maybe 75 percent instead of 100 perfcent...lyrics could improve a bit but you got the voice jus elevate and you'll get their

[Defiance]

uppin this