MY LYRICS, RATE AND COMMENT THE NEXT EMINEM

[John Bambrough]

MY LYRICS, RATE AND COMMENT THE NEXT EMINEM
This is just a few ideas it aint a full song (not in rap format!)
So look at me as one, where together in this family, waiting for a smile or someone to wright down there feelings in this diary, as we sing to the sky rarely, because at the moment we can bearly speak to each other as a family, we can't understand quite why don't connect together, or gel together, it seems like an invisible barrear, keeping us apart, wright from the start, like a magnet, except were falling apart.

Look I'm not looking for the type of girl, who spins her whole head in a swirl, and wonders why her life is so ****ed up, as she waits to find out if she is knocked up so look were not spending yours where spending mine it could be a sign then to a regular yellow or would you rather face a fine when I sign the red dotted line.......its over where through, I should have never let you sue.


Life is like a world of opportunities, as we rhyme, we dont really understand what were saying half the time, we just say whatever comes into our head at the time, dont matter if its broken up or dead, it keeps our brain cells working in our head.


I hear the clock ticken in my veins, its like a bullet to my brain, as it feels so insane, I understand that where going through a change just the same, I like but I dont love the pain, I dont know why we just cant get along, in this ****ing song, I aint done nothing wrong, ye I know you belong, we both belong, in this song, now lets just all make up and get along.

It seems that the harder that I try to make things better for you and I, everything that I do just seems to backfire on me and you, and when where not together, I feel a sudden rush for us to be together, because I realise that everything is so much better, when were together, so I sing, me and you, you and I can fly, wright up to the sky, if we both just agree, to sing together in harmony.

Say hello, I am here to watch the show, As my mam and dad scream at each other '****ing go' like they aint ever seen each other, its like the source of the pain, is a kane, tightly rapped around my chest, like a bullet proof vest, and I need to breakout, but it seems like the harder that I try, They all just walk away and don't even say goodbye, So they leave me in this ****in mess, as I sit and stress.............

This is a song I am writing to you, to emphasize the pain I am feeling for you, As I walk out the door, I see you lying there on the kitchen floor, with a kitchen knife in your hand, But you can't even stand, To finish the job, You see the spotlight is on, And you know that I am the one.

When you realise the stress, And hold on to the less, Unfortunate of us, Who are normally so just, It can only mean one thing, lust, The lust for life is such a beautiful thing, That the more fortunate of us, Sometimes take life for granted, Even though we try we just cannot comply, There's just these selfish mother****ers, who wish that they would all just burn and die.

How many people on this earth, Really know the true meaning of a child birth, As I spit out this verse, How many kids are gonna get ill or worse?

The one and only SLICK is here to watch you burn, As you turn and face the fire, And realise your a liar, Saiten is here to welcome you, And contemplate what you have been through, He says ' Look here, this is a gift I have given to you'.

The ideas in my brain, Keep me perfectly sain, Even in the rain, The thoughts are still the same, Like a bullet to the brain, I can't be stopped, I won't back down, As long as I don't drown, In this ****in town!

Bleeding from the head is like a sudden rush of dread, As you realise the pain, And contemplate just the same, But I didn't mean to be down, As I look all around, All I see is my frown, Incased in my head like a bucket full of sickening red.


To all those haters, Interegaters, Those sickening faggots, squatting on there little maggots, SLIK is here to tell you a little story, So listen and reminice, And find out what you all have missed.

The Brain is a rope to Fame, It picks you up, spits u out, then watches as the soul drains.

In my birth place I had a future Shouldn't you be able to have a place that suits ya? Many years have past as well as tutors but no real steps forward to determine my future. Oh did I mention a real step back as I wanda helplessly on a crazy track. Ye this place is like a death trap without walls or doors just a sign to Hell and back.

At the age of eleven, A moved to this house, I couldn't believe the size of the place, Smaller than a spouse, From where a came from to where I am now, Millions upon millions of mindless rows, Intoxicate my brain even though it feels just the same, I love it like I do a football game. I hate this place, I wanna go home, I don't belong here, someone call my phone.

Why can't anyone hear me when I'm screaming out/ years of living in dowt/ having barely nowt/ I'm sick and tired/ of feeling locked up and wired in myself/ even I know this aint good for my health/ or substantial bank account wealth/ cos I can't work like this in this state/ all I'll get is frustration and hate/ now I'm just hopin that after all these years that I've wasted, and all these lies that I've told/ I've still got time and energy to learn to forgive and learn to forget, cos I'm not growing grey and old/ at the end of this verse lies the last paper fold.

Years of bickering and fighting, that I can't tell the difference between real and reality/ this conscious living is such a travesty/ that every now and then this living is almost so insignificant and small, I'm pind in like am trapped in a hen pin/ I don't understand/ that on this "peacefull" land so much war and disorder can happen/ it fuels me to start rappin/ gives me the energy to never stop/ If I stare into the eyes of failyer I will drop/ I am worthless/ forgotten but maybe I'll hurt less.


SLIK

[IntrinsicCadence]

I'm not gonna go into detail with this, especially since I don't even know if your even gonna be back around the forums. Now first off, I didn't read this whole piece, long as shit. But from what I did read I think u got potential as a writer. To get more feed in the future, be sure to structure ur writtens into shorter lines and bars, its easier to catch the flow ur trying to get across. Also, I'd recommend starting with shorter drops, get people interested in ur words, then after people appreciate your writing style their more likely to read these long ass drops.
But this piece is pretty solid from what I read, though sometimes the rhyme scheme is kinda simple yet still forced. But u got some creative ways to say shit sometimes, so keeps things interesting. Overall, not bad, hope u drop some other shit (shorter) in the future..

[davejot]

nice stuff up der but well you gotta structure your work i also did the same thing at first and then i myself realised there's no use putting this into paragraphs, i mean even if the song is supa dope it wont be easy to find the flow in paragraphs
though these are just ideas but be carefull to put em into proper structure
anyways this is a pretty good job man...

-- Sun Dec 26, 2010 11:51 pm --

[Phasewon]

Please tell me you're like, 13.

[Lawgix]

can anybody say structure?????

[Phasewon]

Structure.... I can, didn't change shit though. Don't be hatin' on lil man though, anybody who would proclaim to be 'the next eminem' is obviously a beginner, try the next big pun, or the next big L. among real lyricists, eminem is as relevant now as rick ross' credibility as a drug dealer. Listen to real lyricists and improve if you actually take this rap shit serious, this is the work of a lil kid who decided he wanted to try writing rhymes 3 days ago.

[TheNobleOne]

eminem is gay

[Slicka]

fam to be honest wit you i ain make it out ya first paragraph you wrote a fucking book. im an audio head and tryna read that shit you can't tell your flow to many words in ya lines don't know where you startin or fallin off......no structure at all like i said i ain read ya whole shit jus read the first paragraph......don't call yaself the new eminem eitha its disrespectful to em lmao...........

-- Mon Dec 27, 2010 9:05 pm --

but on another note i feel bad for being mean but if you practice and continue doing your thing theirs no limit where you can take yaself hommie

[Skunkle Sam]

I couldn't find flow in it, the content isn't bad. My biggest criticism is the title of your post. Why would you want to be someone else? I can't relate with Em, but I'd never say I'm the next Slug or Aes Rock. People want to hear somebody being them, not somebody trying to be someone else. I'd suggest working on your self-esteem before you write.

[JDR]

The flows choppy, lyrics are basic, no structure, hard to follow.

Advice, Rhyme more than 1 sylable words, put it in a decent format instead of a paragraph, and line your bars up.

1

[Quix]

def not Eminem! no where close!