Welcome to Illest Lyrics forum established in 2005.
----
Free Vapes

Mistakes

Drop your written rhymes in one of the largest collections of original rhymes on the internet. The feedback in our Written Rhymes section will simply amaze you.

Moderators: Loon E Lou, Enlightend

Post Reply
User avatar
Inner State
Rookie
Offline
Posts: 8
Joined: Mon Sep 06, 2010 11:12 am

Mistakes

Post by Inner State »

Conflicts plague me like a Sierra Leone diamond,
Always swimming upstream like a spawning salmon.
But look into a diamond’s soul
And see a dying man’s soul.
It feels like that’s all they rap for, a diamond piece.
At the club, I spied a dime piece
With an ass that was redic,
So I hit it twice, redicked.
But she became more than that,
Something beyond my evening night snack.
She was deeper than that, I called her Miss Understood
But no one got her so she was misunderstood.
It never was meant to be even though I try
She left crying, not understanding why.
Now the problems back and feel like I should be six feet under
Cuz in actuality, letting her go is my number one blunder.
User avatar
Predator X
Novice
Offline
Posts: 56
Joined: Fri Jan 15, 2010 9:23 pm
Wins: 2
Losses: 0

Re: Mistakes

Post by Predator X »

Shit was aight the flow was odd but I caught it, good work. Had a poetic feel some good similes like the salmon line but bars like the miss understood one really let the piece down. All in all not bad homie, I'd like to see more.
User avatar
Inner State
Rookie
Offline
Posts: 8
Joined: Mon Sep 06, 2010 11:12 am

Re: Mistakes

Post by Inner State »

Thanks for the feedback
Post Reply

Return to “Written Rhymes”

Who is online

Users browsing this forum: No registered users and 4 guests