Chapter Two (Self Containment)

[Kuhlerblynd]

Ima just get to it...

Good news and bad came like punches from Tyson, was loving my life then
DJ Universe began cutting up my track like he was fucking with knives, kid
My girl was cuffing the pipe wrench, apparently knowing how to use it
But believe me, the shoe fit, cause meeting Cinderella without the slipper is foolish
I was young but not stupid, wanted a family with her and was ready to prove it
But the government decided I couldnt do this, and instead rendered me useless
This shit was driving me crazy every day, slowly making me insane
Keeping a dad from being there to take care of his baby on the way
They thought prison was better than these changes of wanting to be dead on the streets
And away from the lifestyle, but they put me behind more bars than veteran emcees
Damn it all, believe... I wanted to weep like a dirty slut with a burning cunt
How am I supposed to straighten my life up when I wont have one for thirty months???
You fucking heard me, cuz? Here's my report dude... A judge will quickly torch you
My family like glass, shattered, as I said good byes from inside the courtroom
A cuffed fate, headed where the tough break and no love strays
Five weeks later the county jail put me on the bus traveling upstate
Going the route any man goes when in that position after their plans blow
A cold road rode by froze souls, first destination the tourist town of Orlando
Every guy off the bus then stand bold, butt ass naked while some officers talk
Someone acts stupid more often than not, then the cops leave their noggin's in knots
Even coughin or snot, flying from a sneeze could leave you lying at their feet
These fucking pigs make it their mission to have every inmate crying in a week
A place you shouldn't visit? I tell you it's jail, they compell you to fail
They make it easy to fuck up, so they can greet you with a Welcome to Hell

[Haz]

Good news and bad came like punches from Tyson, was loving my life then
DJ Universe began cutting up my track like he was fucking with knives, kid

fucking with knives.. Could of started harder.

My girl was cuffing the pipe wrench, apparently knowing how to use it
But believe me, the shoe fit, cause meeting Cinderella without the slipper is foolish

shoe fit beyond saved the bar.

I was young but not stupid, wanted a family with her and was ready to prove it
But the government decided I couldnt do this, and instead rendered me useless

Keeping it up..

This shit was driving me crazy every day, slowly making me insane
Keeping a dad from being there to take care of his baby on the way

Dope. The way you delivered the line was Nice

They thought prison was better than these changes of wanting to be dead on the streets
And away from the lifestyle, but they put me behind more bars than veteran emcees

I think you could follow that line above a lot harder.

Damn it all, believe... I wanted to weep like a dirty slut with a burning cunt
How am I supposed to straighten my life up when I wont have one for thirty months???

Like the last line of this, way to pick things back up.


You fucking heard me, cuz? Here's my repot dude... A judge will quickly torch you
My family like glass, shattered, as I said good byes from inside the courtroom

stable pace again.

A cuffed fate, headed where the tough break and no love strays
Five weeks later the county jail put me on the bus traveling upstate

Nice ( not whats going on.. But the bar.)

Going the route any man goes when in that position after their plans blow
A cold road rode by froze souls, first destination the tourist town of Orlando


Road road by froze souls < I don't know. just my opinion lol

Every guy off the bus then stand bold, butt ass naked while some officers talk
Someone acts stupid more often than not, then the cops leave their noggin's in knots

lol this was cool

Even coughin or snot, flying from a sneeze could leave you lying at their feet
These fucking pigs make it their mission to have every inmate crying in a week

Consistent

A place you shouldn't visit? I tell you it's ajil, they compell you to fail
They make it easy to fuck up, so they can greet you with a Welcome to Hell


cool.


Overall this piece was Good, I liked how you put it together & just the whole situation,the pieces vibe. you had a few things you could of took out or switched, w.e Other then that I liked this.
Good shit, keep Dropping

[IntrinsicCadence]

I've been waiting for chapter two, I'm captivated by the story you set up and am eager to find out what happens. This piece has a nice flow to it and uses language well. I kinda wished there had been more imagery to bring the story more to the forefront of it, cuz in your chapter one the story was at the core of the piece, while in this one the core of it is more about some more internal type processes. I think this would have benefited from some more specifics about the courtroom, the bus ride and the first steps into jail, to really help the reader connect with your experience more deeply. Overall, this was a real dope drop, but I liked the first chapter better.

[Kuhlerblynd]

Right on, thanks for the feed.


Haz, the road rode line is written correctly, you know, rode as in the past tense of ride?

IC- I know what you mean... This whole time period was almost like a blur to me though. The next chapter is when the imagery and alot of other shit will start coming together I think...


Appreciated the feed and uppzzz....