Welcome to Illest Lyrics forum established in 2005.
----
Free Vapes

No Pin Point.

Drop your written rhymes in one of the largest collections of original rhymes on the internet. The feedback in our Written Rhymes section will simply amaze you.

Moderators: Loon E Lou, Enlightend

Post Reply
Haz
Supreme Lyricist
Offline
Posts: 6800
Joined: Mon Dec 18, 2006 1:41 am
Wins: 67
Losses: 70
Location: The Port

No Pin Point.

Post by Haz »

I Can't Recap the Love but Remember The Hurting ..
I'm Far from a Show Off i'll Never Surrender The Curtains
Catch Me in Cold December Still Working..UnPredictable,
i'll Drop Anything For Yall Like a Dependable Person..
I Forever Pray For Better Days,Bench'd Like Weights
While These Other Niggaz Get Hella Play,i'm Still up In a Clever way,
My Skills is Just Looked Over Like a Applicant's Resume,
I'm The Missing Eye Of Slick Rick, As Sick As Rick's Dick,
The Tatt's Of Pac..Glasses Of L And Fat Of Popp..
Me N Lupe In The Same Place I'm The Hidden Star On Games Face,
i'm Chopper City Like Gizzles Cover,
i'm The Little Brother Of Little Brother ..
i'm a Ransom for Ransom soo i'm Barely Shit..
i'm Slim Shady's Hands On Mariah Carey's Tits
Out of Conrete i've Rose Sudden,A Leader like Makaveli
With The Emotion Of Joe budden
So Of Course I Voice a Topic,i'm The Last Nickel in Royces Pocket,
or Even Hand i'm Relief Like Remy After She Seen her Man
i'm Murda Mook After Dudes Murda'd Mook,Like Homies Back To Scratch
N Smack Heard The Scoop,
i'm Maino's Scar Mixed With Shynes Jail Time,
C Murders Pain Along With Ja Rules Snail Mind
The bullets in Fif, Jay z's Mindstate on Bulletin Shit
Lil Kim's Numbers,Roookie Of The Year Pulling In Quick ..
Get Flip'd Off I'm The Stretch Mark's On Rick Ross,
Dudes Sit Off While i'm The Herpe flow on Nicki Minaj's Lip Gloss
Maybe you Can't Wrecken How i Prove Clan's Testing I'm a Crude Man
With Two Can's Resting Though I'm Secretive Like a Prude Fam Dressin
It's 'Easy Kid He Repped The West,
Each Thoughts a New Edition Them dudes Stepped the Best
it's common to Forget Common And Stray Off in The Music..
Tommy Lee punches were Often Abusive ..
I'm Awkward Like The Label Stone Age City Hoe ..
Keep Up you Ain't Deep Nuff i'm a M.J homemade Video..
Image
User avatar
The Gonz
Flow Creation
Flow Creation
Offline
Posts: 1113
Joined: Fri Oct 03, 2008 2:33 pm
Wins: 1
Losses: 2000
Location: A position higher than you

Re: No Pin Point.

Post by The Gonz »

This shit started off ill as hell. The transition to your... I dunno, "musical anatomy" portion was cool, but did seem a bit random. The flow was good, had some nice multies. I like the references you used for the different artists. I think the first 3 or 4 bars though were ill.

i'll Drop Anything For Yall Like a Dependable Person

My Skills is Just Looked Over Like a Applicant's Resume

^^Hella nice lines IMO. Nice shit, Haz.
User avatar
Arvincible
Unstoppable Emcee
Offline
Posts: 2304
Joined: Fri Dec 28, 2007 9:05 pm
Wins: 67
Losses: 18
Location: So Cal

Re: No Pin Point.

Post by Arvincible »

I Can't Recap the Love but Remember The Hurting ..
I'm Far from a Show Off i'll Never Surrender The Curtains
Catch Me in Cold December Still Working..UnPredictable,
i'll Drop Anything For Yall Like a Dependable Person..
I Forever Pray For Better Days,Bench'd Like Weights
While These Other Niggaz Get Hella Play,i'm Still up In a Clever way,

^^ I liked this best, i jsut liked the flow here alot and there were some very meaningful lines.


My Skills is Just Looked Over Like a Applicant's Resume,
I'm The Missing Eye Of Slick Rick, As Sick As Rick's Dick,
.
.
.
i'm a Ransom for Ransom soo i'm Barely Shit..
i'm Slim Shady's Hands On Mariah Carey's Tits

^^^lmfao these bars were funny clever

this entire piece was very well thought out, ur flow is getting so much easier to catch, im likin more of ur newer drops late this year then ever. good shit there were a lot of quotables here, the style of comparisons and metaphors were impressive, way to do u.
Image
User avatar
complexity
Elevated
Offline
Posts: 9702
Joined: Mon Jan 02, 2006 9:09 am
Wins: 48
Losses: 15
Location: Maine
Contact:

Re: No Pin Point.

Post by complexity »

The beginning was absurd as everyone pin pointed. A whole verse like that and you would have dropped my jaw. You upped the creativity, like Ruckus said, I didn't like the transition into them metaphors, they just seemed to be overused. If the whole drop would have started out like that, I think that you'd elicit a better response. Another thing that might take away from the whole concept was how strong some of the comparisons were like Royce, 50, Jay, and how other ones were weak or way too self evident, like little brother and ransom.

I wouldn't toss out this idea. I think this might be one of your most brilliant scriptures. I'd just highly recommend that you improvise this, make it three verses, spit it on audio, with a dope ass chorus.

Make sure that every line is symbolic, has wordplay, and isn't rushed.

I'm still going to give this an 8.5/10. Real creative. Your flow is dramatically better, the whole piece came out of left field. I will give you credit for being someone willing to experiment. You've touched on more topics than just about anybody in the scriptures over the last year or two. Sometimes, I think all of us get a bit too comfortable with our area of expertise, whether that's simply spitting the same style, trying to duplicate someone elses success, resorting back to familiar rhyme schemes, or recreating the past. We should all strive to not fit in any of them categories. Rather, hope to be innovative with concepts, forward thinking with rhyme schemes, and always bring something new to the table, to excite our minds, and our listeners or in this case, the phenomenal (critics) -euphemism- readers.

Excuse the rant! I think it may be of use to somebody.
Image

Check out our Vapes for great prices.
User avatar
Riggz
Rap King
Offline
Posts: 887
Joined: Thu Nov 05, 2009 3:41 pm
Wins: 16
Losses: 8
Location: Atlanta, GA
Contact:

Re: No Pin Point.

Post by Riggz »

"While These Other Niggaz Get Hella Play,i'm Still up In a Clever way,
My Skills is Just Looked Over Like a Applicant's Resume" -- ha brilliant...

Arv, you live up to your rep on this one.
ILL Flow - thieves-vt15638.html
aka aL-b
"SHMUKS"
REBIRTH of the FIGHT CLUB... Say it with me!
User avatar
complexity
Elevated
Offline
Posts: 9702
Joined: Mon Jan 02, 2006 9:09 am
Wins: 48
Losses: 15
Location: Maine
Contact:

Re: No Pin Point.

Post by complexity »

Riggz wrote:"While These Other Niggaz Get Hella Play,i'm Still up In a Clever way,
My Skills is Just Looked Over Like a Applicant's Resume" -- ha brilliant...

Arv, you live up to your rep on this one.
I thought that was a clever line too.
Image

Check out our Vapes for great prices.
Haz
Supreme Lyricist
Offline
Posts: 6800
Joined: Mon Dec 18, 2006 1:41 am
Wins: 67
Losses: 70
Location: The Port

Re: No Pin Point.

Post by Haz »

Thanks man. i Appreciate The Feed From Everyone. Plex i'm Going to Take everything you Said into Consideration lol Give It Like a Week After the New Years 3 Verses will Be Up. i'll be back To giving feed To everyone
Image
User avatar
Def-init
Elite Freestyler
Offline
Posts: 274
Joined: Wed Oct 08, 2008 9:48 am
Wins: 3
Losses: 3
Location: Toronto

Re: No Pin Point.

Post by Def-init »

Nice man.

"It's 'Easy Kid He Repped The West,
Each Thoughts a New Edition Them dudes Stepped the Best
it's common to Forget Common And Stray Off in The Music..
Tommy Lee punches were Often Abusive ..
I'm Awkward Like The Label Stone Age City Hoe ..
Keep Up you Ain't Deep Nuff i'm a M.J homemade Video.."

My fav part in ur drop.
Pretty slick.
- If I can't bend Heaven, I shall move Hell. -
User avatar
QwarterZ
Rap Professional
Offline
Posts: 1688
Joined: Thu Oct 29, 2009 7:01 am
Wins: 4
Losses: 9

Re: No Pin Point.

Post by QwarterZ »

This was purdy dope....n I forgot who quoted what I like....

either way this started off dope got kinda off track in the middle
but towards the end you were like ahhh you just when
this does have a lot of quotables that were already quoted but nonetheless a good write!
Post Reply

Return to “Written Rhymes”

Who is online

Users browsing this forum: Ahrefs [Bot] and 9 guests