Mr Beadz Freestyle

[mrbeadz]

This gon be a short,quick,kick of the sadistic/leave 'Boner''n''Janesaw',cryin like bitches, with wrists slit/you both got whack flows,homo's,gotta give it to ya though,those some fancy ass logo's/but in this game,it aint bout lookin hot as hell/it's a game of show 'n'tell,an i showed'n'told,first hurdle you's fell/and on this page i'm called 'Rookie',i must be lucky,released one album,promoters linin up to book me/and the paychecks they offerin..kinda large/you want a job,need bitches in my entourage/i think it's proven that Mr Beadz dun shut you down/get your slippers,sit down,i've straight stole the rap crown/i came from no-where, destroyed,gave you frowns,took your smiles/a government secret,more protected than the fuckin x-files!!!!...Whooosh!!!!

[complexity]

Beads!

Becareful where you post things. Don't post in other peoples battles. Lol. This is where you can drop freestyles and if you want to call someone out do that in the appropriate section.

[-MenaCe-]

This gon be a short,quick,kick of the sadistic/
leave 'Boner''n''Janesaw',cryin like bitches, with wrists slit/
you both got whack flows,homo's,
gotta give it to ya though,those some fancy ass logo's/
but in this game,it aint bout lookin hot as hell/
it's a game of show 'n'tell,an i showed'n'told,first hurdle you's fell/
and on this page i'm called 'Rookie',i must be lucky,released one album,promoters linin up to book me/
and the paychecks they offerin..kinda large/
you want a job,need bitches in my entourage/
i think it's proven that Mr Beadz dun shut you down/
get your slippers,sit down,i've straight stole the rap crown/
i came from no-where, destroyed,gave you frowns,took your smiles/
a government secret,more protected than the fuckin x-files!!!!...Whooosh!!!!

You gotta fix ya structure so it all flows..and not bad but still isn't a hard enuff diss to really hurt them and if ya plannin on bein around for a while you need to elevate a bit more...

[complexity]

What you did wrong.

1. Structure

2. Lacked a rhyme scheme.

3. Freestyled a verse when you should be straight up writing.


What you did right.

1. Transitions

2. Lucidness

3. Attempted similes