always 'n foreva

Expand your artistic ability through poetry and story telling. Poetry has been given new life ever since the inception of hip hop. Relax for a minute and explore your poetic side here.

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Black-Heart
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always 'n foreva

Post by Black-Heart »

I promised you, I told u that I’d love you till the end of time
Little did I know that I’d make a mess out of everything and that you’d never again be mine
You were all I needed to get by
Haters and speculators all around, each with their own alibies

I always thought that you were heaven sent
I’m grateful for the time I’ve spent with you in my life’s moments
You are undoubtedly the best I’ve ever had
The fact that I’ve lost you drives me crazy, insane and mad

If its anything… I wouldn’t say that it was all for nothing
I’m officially missing you
I’ll always love you… that much is true

I’ve messed up and now we’re apart
Always and forever, you’ll always be in my heart.

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Tha Dark Prince
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Re: always 'n foreva

Post by Tha Dark Prince »

There's not much I can say about this, it's pretty deep and the imagery is clear, i do think it could be worded better and be made a bit more complex if you're looking for criticsm, coz these type o' things are kinda common, good drop though

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Black-Heart
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Re: always 'n foreva

Post by Black-Heart »

Fanx Dark side #do ma fav. Show me wachu mean by worded better... :)

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Tha Dark Prince
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Re: always 'n foreva

Post by Tha Dark Prince »

Well this is poetry.. So it's grounds to do anything you want and write how you see fit, ofcourse only the poet would understand the poem best of all, so I'm not one to say how you should write i did say it was a good drop, my only advice was, as this you see a lot of writers writing on this same subject, it's very common so if you like, looking for it to stand out and appeal much more to the audience, than it should be more sophisticated, i.e include a unique structure etc. But as I said, only you would get the real meaning of this and my comments are only opinions and nothing more, keep droppin

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MonuMental
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Re: always 'n foreva

Post by MonuMental »

I agree with Prince, dude. A writer will always do what they do the way they do it. It was a cool lil piece, nothin wrong with it, but like he said, nothin that just put it out in anyone's face either. But it said and did what I felt you meant for it to. Good drop.
[center]Peel back the facade and behold a bold insanity,
With no repose or vanity, composed of inhumanity.[/center]
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Text MC of the Year- MonuMental
Class of 2011- MonuMental, Enlightend, 3rd String, CBK, and Pest
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Written of the Year- MonuMental 'A Series of Unfortunate Events'[/center]

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Black-Heart
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Re: always 'n foreva

Post by Black-Heart »

Fanx guys - much appreciated

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EcKsTaSy
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Re: always 'n foreva

Post by EcKsTaSy »

good drop bro..heart felt, was diggin it..
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Borat
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Re: always 'n foreva

Post by Borat »

Try getting deeper into the situation between you and this chick, like... Why did she leave? How did it make you feel? Instead of saying things like "I messed up and now we're apart" tell us how you messed up and how she reacted, how you felt about it. Ya dig?

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POET OF THE YEAR 2011
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I'm often soft like cotton but my message is clear, my words hold weight like "dumbos" ears.
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Black-Heart
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Re: always 'n foreva

Post by Black-Heart »

Yea bra - I dig ..thanx a mil :)

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Glamtrash
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Re: always 'n foreva

Post by Glamtrash »

Metahores are a oets best friend.

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