somethin i was writin up in history class.

[river_ibe]

jus 2 random verses. tell me what ya'll think.

there's something i've been meanin to say
and baby girl i can't keep it inside myself for one more day
see everytime i wake up, you on my mind
i love the way you talk, you walk, the way you smile
i never thought i'd meet a girl like you
sweet ,sassy and beautiful too
i guess its quite true i kinda like you
i feel so weird its like i got the flu
and everytime i see you my heart skips a beat
you got me so in love, my head over my feet
and i never thought i'd be like this all over a girl
sometimes i wish, straight up that you were my girl
you more precious then a million dolla pearl
but i know it just cant be
coz i clearly see
you aint for me
and i hate the thought
of me without you

Copyright River "Ol' Boy Slim" Ibe, 2007

_______________________________________________________________________


when she twirled in that mini skirt i knew straight up it was lovin
like my homies say she was truly hotter then an oven
She was the girl of my dreams
It would truly seem that it was all a dream
That she,
only existed to comfort me
Nicest girl i met,nicest girl i knew
It would be pure chance if she would want me too
She would pick me up everytime i fell down
Her voice was a heavenly sound
So beautiful at heart and face
Everytime i'd look at her i'd be truly amazed
Lost in her eyes in a wonderful maze

Copyright River "Ol' Boy Slim" and MC Mitty 2007


post38115.html#38115

[MesaR]

Simple, Alright Though.

Drop Us A Audio In Creation Chamber Fam.

How Old u ??

[jodeci]

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[Ambiguous Realm]

wtf...never will i waste my time

[Momeijah]

Yeah it\'s Simple lol. i Donno its More Poetic To Me, The Whole Style Was Not Really Rap But More Poetic. if u Wnna Make it a Good Rap Verse, Fix The Flow And Use More Vocab, And Try To Steer Away From \'Hot as an Oven\' And Shit Like That Cuz it\'s Played lol, Keep Droppin.

[B-Bear]

didn't look like a verse to me neither.. that's a poem.. but if u meant that as a verse, u need to work on some areas.. originality, vocab, flow and structure...

[16 Micz]

not too bad...it wasnt impressive though..you should definitely work on your structure, rhyming and flow just as b bear said....try rhyming multiple syllable words instead of simple dr suess words...no hate just tryna help, keep it up man..

[drunken jesus]

you suck

[MesaR]

lol

[Lawgix]

you suck

dj ur so blunt hahaha

YO FR33 LOOK AFTA THjavascript:emoticon('') CoolIS GUY HIS 1 avascript:emoticon'') ArrowOF MA MATES

wtf is that????