hep

Drop your written rhymes in one of the largest collections of original rhymes on the internet. The feedback in our Written Rhymes section will simply amaze you.

Moderators: Loon E Lou, Enlightend

Post Reply
User avatar
FatalX
Lyrically Inclined
Offline
Posts: 147
Joined: Fri Feb 11, 2011 12:36 pm
Wins: 5
Losses: 3

hep

Post by FatalX »

I've faced death in many ways,but ain't been told that I'm FUCKED//
so Fuck you Fuck ME Fuck this World and this LUCK//
What the Fuck do you WANT,I ain't even started life MAN//
got me out here running the streets,feeling like some sort of HYPE MAN//
I guess I threw the dice and,gambled for real//
give a fuck if this text even holds.... appeal//
I just need to releive this tension I feel in my chest//
throat feeling like when slugs come in contact with vest//
what I feel is UNREST,I guess I'm lost in this PAIN//
got some bad news today,and with that Im ashamed//
Hepatitus,yeah the disease of the streets//
preventable.... ,my stupidity speaks//


Fuck YOU and any one who want to judge this......

Ill critique 2 other post as soon as possible...
http://www.illestlyrics.com/board/my-town-vt24935.html
http://www.illestlyrics.com/board/not-n ... 24854.html
Last edited by FatalX on Thu Dec 01, 2011 5:51 am, edited 1 time in total.
I CHANNEL all my ENERGY,
while my SPIRIT is SOLEMN//
you HEAR my WORDS in the STREETS-->
because I'm SPEAKING in VOLUMES//

I'm like the MEDIA with QUESTIONS-I never stop SHOOTING
so IF you really got a PROBLEM-we can make this EXCLUSIVE...//
KING RUM12
Rhyme Master
Offline
Posts: 151
Joined: Wed Jun 15, 2011 7:55 pm
Wins: 3
Losses: 8
No Shows: 3
Location: WinDy CitY

Re: hep

Post by KING RUM12 »

oh ok...i dint get the title or what u were really talking about at first but when i read it and finished...i got it...pretty nice quick read and FUCK YOU TOO DAWG...
srry to hear u got that tho..
-_sarcastically speaking_-

Image
User avatar
Kau the Lion
Boobs Indeed
Offline
Posts: 790
Joined: Wed Aug 04, 2010 8:58 pm
Wins: 29
Losses: 10
Location: Chicken Skull
Contact:

Re: hep

Post by Kau the Lion »

Sorry to hear that.

As for the rhyme, it's ok. Nothing to special from a technical aspect. Obviously, a lot of emotion in it's content, though. Definitely worth reading.
Image
User avatar
MonuMental
Hairy Scoundrel
Offline
Posts: 528
Joined: Fri Feb 18, 2011 9:09 pm
Location: Leland, MS

Re: hep

Post by MonuMental »

I agree completely with Kau. But fuck technicalities. You spat what you felt, and that more than anything really speaks volumes on your character. Keep your head up, bruh.
[center]Peel back the facade and behold a bold insanity,
With no repose or vanity, composed of inhumanity.[/center]
[center]Image[/center]
[center]Image[/center]
[center]Image[/center]
[center]Illest Awards For 2011:
Text MC of the Year- MonuMental
Class of 2011- MonuMental, Enlightend, 3rd String, CBK, and Pest
Writer of the Year- MonuMental
Written of the Year- MonuMental 'A Series of Unfortunate Events'[/center]

[center]a-series-of-unfortunate-events-vt23866.html[/center]
User avatar
Dream
Dedicated Emcee
Offline
Posts: 99
Joined: Mon Dec 05, 2011 10:04 am
Location: East Coast, Canada

Re: hep

Post by Dream »

Damn.

At first, I was put off by all the "Fuck"'s,
But, as I kept reading, it became much more clear.

Short drop,
Full of emotion.
Pain..

Sorry to hear about this,
Always remember. Life goes on.

<3
[center]Image

Simplicity is the ultimate sophistication.[/center]
User avatar
Glamtrash
Poetic Juggernaut
Offline
Posts: 1498
Joined: Thu Nov 22, 2007 3:42 pm
Wins: 0
Losses: 0
Location: Where the Treetops Kiss the Stars

Re: hep

Post by Glamtrash »

Ouch, dude.

No doubt.

[ Post made via Android ] Image
Post Reply

Return to “Written Rhymes”

Who is online

Users browsing this forum: No registered users and 1 guest