JUST NOTICE ME

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ippiki_17
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JUST NOTICE ME

Post by ippiki_17 »

If I don't diverse, I'll be forlorn
Like a revenant of one's soul holding on
To whats left, hear my verse and be alert
And to take heed to the words, I'm on the verge
Of a perplexed thought, caught in the maelstrom
Of hell's drums and a girl's export, there were so many times
That I felt ugly, so I stared earthward cause the dirt wouldn't judge me
A sucker in need of a succor and a sunbeam, this cold world got me in
A dumb a freeze, below zero, a twenty-one year old, that feels like a hero
Surrounded by a villain, villains, plural, more than one, I feel just like an
Orphan's son, the awkward one, the only one without your acceptance
An arrow, pointing to the left for less than, to be permissible, would be great
In karate class, I'm the wood we break, everyone takes everything out on me
Towel, wet fabric, nylon sea, I'm a tool, to use me is inhumane, I'm a human
It's plain that I been through things, don't taint my heart, that's sacred, hatred
Is pacing and jaywalking the pavement, through the traffic, everyone's all caved in
That's why I'm in isolation overtaken, I feel so forsaken, to even have saneness
Is saying, that maybe I made it through things that I thought that would change me
In my time, but today be the day that I rearrange everything, and change my mind
In the ocean of emptiness, I elope and pretend to live, like a phantom n disappear
To appear when I'm out of sight, be revered when beneath the lights, I'm disliked
I already know, I assumed, this negative energy won't go, pessimism is pogo stick
With no sprang, I jump and I jump, and it breaks, give me a rocket to take into space
N just then, I'll be the equivalent of one-hundred, one kid in a world so humongous
Who's twirled in a dungeon and destined to get out, to be who I wanna be, or sit out

http://www.illestlyrics.com/board/88sky ... ml#p180163
http://www.illestlyrics.com/board/the-m ... ml#p180164
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Last edited by ippiki_17 on Tue Aug 30, 2011 11:30 am, edited 1 time in total.
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Defiance
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Re: JUST NOTICE ME

Post by Defiance »

dude, this shit was tight..

liked it a lot.. crit has to be, the inconsistency between structures or rhyme schemes. but i mean that can be tightened up

but overall this was a decent verse with a lot of great lines
-keep dropping
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Tha Dark Prince
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Re: JUST NOTICE ME

Post by Tha Dark Prince »

this was nice.. Enjoyable read and i liked the concept and originality, i agree with defiance about structure, but overall yeah this was a nice, very interesting piece

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