My Plane Ticket.

Drop your written rhymes in one of the largest collections of original rhymes on the internet. The feedback in our Written Rhymes section will simply amaze you.

Moderators: Loon E Lou, Enlightend

Post Reply
User avatar
citizenslain
Rookie
Offline
Posts: 10
Joined: Fri Apr 16, 2010 5:38 am

Re: My Plane Ticket.

Post by citizenslain »

Stuck within a rabbit hole that's so big it could swallow this fucking planet whole//
But Imma stay accountable, man enough to handle what has happened// So..
...time to sneak away & be a slave to the government, May 7th is when I have to go//
Stuck in this old rich white mans system, a corrupted system built over the land they stole...//
...from the Mexican's & Indians, the killings of many men, hey I guess that's natural// What's sad is those...
... cannibals

Dopest part by far. the wordplay is dope, the subject was serious. overall it was a hot drop.

8.6/10
User avatar
EvilJoey
Novice
Offline
Posts: 66
Joined: Sat Nov 08, 2008 8:40 am
Wins: 0
Losses: 0

Re: My Plane Ticket.

Post by EvilJoey »

Nice post

was a lil lost at first.. when u said doing 6 again.. i was like.. 6 years jesus... but later u say months..

Over all Solid drop
Some good emotion in some lines..
Liked the flow int he beginning of the Second verse the most
the first verse it was hit or miss in places

i thought the Sack lunches was ya best BAR personaly

keep postin

1
User avatar
FlipSide
Flow Creation
Flow Creation
Offline
Posts: 1473
Joined: Fri Mar 19, 2010 9:37 am
Wins: 0
Losses: 0
Location: Chicago IL
Contact:

Re: My Plane Ticket.

Post by FlipSide »

I think im gonna look at this piece a whole because i see that every bar mattered in it... not just which line was hot cuz when u put ur emotion into it it cant be separated... As a whole i like the first half more.... u came hard on the ending tho... nice emotional drop...would like to hear audio for this tho
BANG BANG!!!! I Shot U Down
̿ ̿'̿'\̵͇̿̿\з=(•̪•)=ε/̵͇̿̿/'̿'̿ ̿ -
Image
User avatar
QwarterZ
Rap Professional
Offline
Posts: 1688
Joined: Thu Oct 29, 2009 7:01 am
Wins: 4
Losses: 9

Re: My Plane Ticket.

Post by QwarterZ »

Right before that beat build up I was like nice
then afterwards errythin' started flowing very fluently
I'm diggin' this piece my dude! really writing a lot like you said eh? keep doing you! another nice piece!
User avatar
JDR
Da Punchline King
Offline
Posts: 878
Joined: Sat Jan 23, 2010 12:13 pm
Wins: 48
Losses: 3
No Shows: 3

Re: My Plane Ticket.

Post by JDR »

I'm diggin' this piece. The way you flipped the multies into this drop and made it flow nicely was dope. I love tha deep stuff and the storytellin' is a 10 plus. I aint know you were goin' to jail tho. Stay up.
Battle Record
40-2
Image
2010 Awards
Illest Battler || Illest Punchline Artist || Battle of the Year -vs- Cee4
Post Reply

Return to “Written Rhymes”

Who is online

Users browsing this forum: No registered users and 1 guest