TTT: Round One - Kuhlerblynd -VS- CBK (CBK Wins)

Illest's newest topical tournament... Winner lays claim to the belt!!!
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TTT: Round One - Kuhlerblynd -VS- CBK (CBK Wins)

Post by JDR »

Round One Rules

Check In By: Sunday 11:59EST
Due By: Monday 11:59EST
Submit Verses here
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5 Votes Win (3-0 is KO, 4-1 is TKO)

Voting Catagories
Flow-
Creativity -
Vocabulary -
Storytelling -

Please include a summary for your vote after the catagories

Only DETAILED VOTES ACCEPTED!

Write 7 Bars on the following....

...your on the bottom level of the titanic and know the ship is sinking with no possible way out

Goodluck...
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Re: TTT: Round One - Kuhlerblynd -VS- CBK

Post by CBK »

do our verses need to be posted to speakers??? ... i couldnt have gotten a harder opponent tbh...



reread the thread its cool... consider this my check
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Re: TTT: Round One - Kuhlerblynd -VS- CBK

Post by Kuhlerblynd »

Check



My verse has been submitted to Those Who Will Not Be Named.


Good luck.
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Re: TTT: Round One - Kuhlerblynd -VS- CBK

Post by Speakers »

Kuhlerblynd

Correct punctuation should be throughout this piece... I thought I would try to give it a novel of an approach...


Aheemmmm....



From the first word to it's last line, I was reading a book just to pass time.
Alone after my father threatened me with putting his foot to my back side
If I left or didn't act right. So, on the great Titanic, I was stuck in this room.
Suddenly I felt a bump then a BOOM! violently echoed like a gun when it shoots.
First instinct was jump in my boots, but I really didn't want to try it and see
Another black eye from Dad, who would probably make me hide for a week.
My ears popped to a frieghtening scream, as if it was coming through the door.
I ran up to it straining and praying as I attempted to open it with useless force.
I yelled for help. I'm trapped! They were rude, of course. Left me sitting there and lost.
My feet were getting wet. Water flooded in quick. Then, I saw the door's hinges flying off.
The ocean came gushing, I was wishing it would stop. It was immediately up to my neck.
The intensity in which it was hitting me put me defenselessly into the wall, bumping my head.
Hit hard, my heart was thumping from depths while sharp pain began crushing my chest.
You know what I felt next? Deep breathe... Nothing. I'm dead




-vs-




CBK

As the light dims, my chance for life slims from quite thin to frightening,
my mind decides its survival time i gotta fight my way to somewhere that i might swim,
so i run for all my lifes worth a right turn,
icy (i see) water from the iceberg, whilst i keep repeating the lines of christs prayer,
lord im an aquaphobic thrown in at the deep end of a titanic nightmare.
im scared, times rare and i need to find stairs, everyones in the same predicament, but believe me mines worse, i see a coloured, blind guy tryna climb first,
as i rush past i hear him cry, murk, my eyes hurt,even tho im caught in freezing water my thighs burn,
im panicking my staminas damaged from climbing,
but im out of the water an look back at it smiling,i've reached high enough that it looks like its residing, fuck im knackered shits tiring,look around at the view an its not inspiring a sign reads bottom lining
adrenaline levels are declining,sweet timing, right when the vehicle beneath my feet is deep diving so fuck it i've given up lived enough
i just hope the blind guy survives an wasnt hurt when i tripped him up.
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Re: TTT: Round One - Kuhlerblynd -VS- CBK

Post by CBK »

uppin for votes.
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Re: TTT: Round One - Kuhlerblynd -VS- CBK

Post by Enders »

Maaaan, the closer cbk, if you would have had a better schemed closer... DAMN lol. I liked it man. You have some rough structure, but it reads smoothly enough for me a this point to not care lol. Damn man, you suprised me with the story, a couple hiccups, but quite creative, even finding a way to tie in your opponent. The ICY thing was ok, nothing special.

Murk, nice to see a well written story outa you, always battling and shit. Rhymes were pretty on point, but i'll be honest, i fell off a couple times. Myabe the punctuation tossed off the flow for me lol, just playing. It did read odd in parts though. I will be honest, it read rather boring... no offence, good use of wording and all that, but i forgot what you were writing about as soon as i finished reading it. Im just being honest man, sorry.

Flow- Honestly, structure aside, i probably read cbk's more fluently. Maybe because I'm an audio head, so i dont do structure, but i read his easier. To those skeptics, im not dick riding, my brain does this to his piece, i colored the flow hiccups IMO:
As the light dims, my chance for life slims
from quite thin to fright-nin,
my mind decides its survival time
i gotta fight my way to somewhere that i might swim,
so i run for all my lifes worth a right turn,
icy (i see) water from the iceberg,
whilst i keep repeating the lines of christs prayer,
lord im an aquaphobic thrown in at the deep end of a titanic nightmare.

im scared, times rare and i need to find stairs,
everyones in the same predicament, but believe me mines worse,
i see a coloured, blind guy tryna climb first,
as i rush past i hear him cry, murk,
my eyes hurt,even tho im caught in freezing water my thighs burn,
im panicking my staminas damaged from climbing,
but im out of the water an look back at it smiling,
i've reached high enough that it looks like its residing,
fuck im knackered shits tiring,
look around at the view an its not inspiring
a sign reads bottom lining
adrenaline levels are declining,sweet timing,
right when the vehicle beneath my feet is deep diving
so fuck it i've given up lived enough
i just hope the blind guy survives an wasnt hurt when i tripped him up

vs

From the first word to it's last line,
I was reading a book just to pass time.
Alone after my father threatened me with putting his foot to my back side
If I left or didn't act right.
So, on the great Titanic, I was stuck in this room.
Suddenly I felt a bump then a BOOM!
violently echoed like a gun when it shoots.
First instinct was jump in my boots,
but I really didn't want to try it and see
Another black eye from Dad,
who would probably make me hide for a week.
My ears popped to a frieghtening scream,
as if it was coming through the door.
I ran up to it straining and praying as I attempted to open it with useless force.
I yelled for help. I'm trapped! They were rude, of course. Left me sitting there and lost.
My feet were getting wet. Water flooded in quick. Then, I saw the door's hinges flying off.
The ocean came gushing, I was wishing it would stop. It was immediately up to my neck.
The intensity in which it was hitting me put me defenselessly into the wall, bumping my head.
Hit hard,
my heart was thumping from depths while sharp pain began crushing my chest.
You know what I felt next? Deep breathe... Nothing. I'm dead





erno, if its just me, prolly is AGAIN, but my neck, my head, my chest im dead, feel weird as his end rhymes. Outside of it not being tied into the inners.
Creativity - Im going to go with CBKs, it just had more angles, brought humor to a topic that can easily be sad. Plus, the kuhlerblynd murk addition... lol

Vocabulary - Kuhler, quite simply, used a better veriety of vocabulary... Strange cat btw. Sometimes simplicity is better. just saying.

Storytelling - Kuhler, he just had less holes in his story, one thing led to another with better transitions, cbk seemed to be off the wall humor, more of a check this out, rap, and murk went more novel.

So... thats a tie in cats you chose Jack, I say there should never be an even amount of cats...


Enjoyment: CBK, his story just made me read it an chuckle, stayed on topic, funny, nameplay, pretty good over all.


MVGT CBK.
Pest wrote:[center]"Enders is an enigma wrapped inside of a paradox in the middle of a riddle"[/center]
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Re: TTT: Round One - Kuhlerblynd -VS- CBK

Post by Skeptikal »

Flow- Kuhlerblynd
Creativity - CBK
Vocabulary - Kuhlerblynd
Storytelling - Kuhlerblynd
MVGT - Kuhlerblynd

I thot he did a better job staying on topic. I like how he added da 2nd affect wit his relationship wit his dad. CBK was more creativity seemed to attack kuhler some n i liked it. Still as a topical, kuhler did it in 4 me.
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Re: TTT: Round One - Kuhlerblynd -VS- CBK

Post by Kuhlerblynd »

Upping for votes. Match tied 1-1.
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Re: TTT: Round One - Kuhlerblynd -VS- CBK

Post by Kau the Lion »

Flow: Tie (Both a few spots that tripped me up a bit.)
Multies: Tie (Both were decent)
Storytelling: CBK (Murk's was kind of boring, tbh. The first half was mostly about his abusive father.)
Imagery: Tie (Both painted a pretty good picture of what was going on.)

Stand out bars:
Kuhlerblynd wrote:Hit hard, my heart was thumping from depths while sharp pain began crushing my chest.
You know what I felt next? Deep breathe... Nothing. I'm dead
A nice closer. It brought the piece to an abrupt end which I thought worked well in this instance.
CBK wrote:everyones in the same predicament, but believe me mines worse,
i see a coloured, blind guy tryna climb first,
as i rush past i hear him cry, murk, my eyes hurt,
even tho im caught in freezing water my thighs burn,
I like the mines worse part a lot because it really shows how people think in these situations. Every man for himself. The last line was a nice contrast with the freezing water burning thighs.

Overall, I have to give this one to CBK. His story was just more exciting and interesting. Though, neither really had any great surprises in store for the reader.

+1 CBK
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Re: TTT: Round One - Kuhlerblynd -VS- CBK

Post by JDR »

c'mon stop sleepin

2-1 Bumpin this
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Re: TTT: Round One - Kuhlerblynd -VS- CBK

Post by Defiance »

Flow-kuhler
Creativity - Tie
Vocabulary - Kuhler
Storytelling -Kuhler

MVGT Kuhlerblynd

Just was feeling his more
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Re: TTT: Round One - Kuhlerblynd -VS- CBK

Post by CBK »

vote ffs
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Re: TTT: Round One - Kuhlerblynd -VS- CBK

Post by JDR »

Reopened. I'm closin this shit in the mornin. If its still tied i'll have somebody vote it up to break the tie.
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Re: TTT: Round One - Kuhlerblynd -VS- CBK (2-2 Vote)

Post by ILLoKWENT »

Voting Catagories
Flow- i say cbk, kule came out nice in the beginin and middle but the last couple bars were runon,so it hurt your edge,cbk, flowed nicely from beginning to end.imo

Creativity -hmmm, i think this was a tie, both came at different angles , and both were nice


Vocabulary - i'd say kule was more polished in this category, easier to read, and comprehend, cbk was nice but wasnt too consistent imo

Storytelling -hmm ima half to say cbk, because while i did enjoy kules story, the mood felt slow paced, while cbk's story felt panicky, which is very much how the last moments of titanic was..and i think that gave cbk the edge to me.

mvgt cbk
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Re: TTT: Round One - Kuhlerblynd -VS- CBK (2-2 Vote)

Post by leeroi green »

I tried to vote earlier and waisted a percentage of my life only to find it locked so in a nutshell

Flow
Tie easy for me to ready both neither stood out
Creativity
Cbk his was more clever to say the least
Vocabulary
Stupid cat both used english tie far as im concered
Storytelling
Cbk in short his character came to realize the situation was hopeless

Well the first post was better but my vote remains the same
Cbk decent battle fellas and im out

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