Pronounced pain

Release your best recorded material and let the world hear your talent. It doesn't matter what level you are on - you will get constructive feedback to increase your skills.

Moderator: Loon E Lou

Forum rules
Embed your soundclick video players with [soundclick]Song Id[/soundclick]. You can also just put [soundclick]Embed Code[/soundclick].

Please go back and fix as many of your old songs as you want.
Post Reply
User avatar
PeyotePearl
Potential Emcee
Offline
Posts: 41
Joined: Sun May 13, 2012 7:16 am

Pronounced pain

Post by PeyotePearl »

Check it check it.
[soundcloud]http://soundcloud.com/peyotepearl/pronounced-pain-1[/soundcloud]

Lyrics:

i start rhyming, explaining this like why I sometimes just start crying,
well its because inside I'm dying,
i need a hand, will ya, cant ya see i cant carry this weight,
is this what my lifes supposed to be like, is this faith?
Its like I live to just fight the other day,
I fucking cant take it dare to call my name, my name is pronounced pain,
Sick of playing everyone's little game,
Yo I'm tired I'm gonna lay down gonna hope I’ll never wake up again
You're expectin me to fend
For myself well what about your help?
Fuck that, I've got too much pride and so much pain you can't even describe
Wake up to shades of black and white where'd all the color go where's light?
Tha's right, grab a couple Budlights drink away my shame
I told you my name was pronounced pain
Shards of memory are all that remain
You're lookin at me out of eyes filled with disdain
I remember you once looked up to me now I'm at the level of your feet
I'm sorry if I disappoint it's just in my nature to lie and leave
Can't change who I am yet I'll ask you to believe
There's more to me than meets the eye will you won't you believe there's another side?
All we are is a roller coaster ride
Up and down around and around
You're getting queasy I can tell about to barf and then you fell
I shoulda caught you, shoulda been there but instead I was here
Bottle of beer in my left and a blunt in my right
Smokin drinkin yeah already given up the fight
Let me try to put this in perspective I'm just another optical illusion
Stripes, shapes, and colors that disillusion
I love you one minute then fuck you the next
I'm like smoke from a candle it just drifts away
Sorry for leavin' you but it's just another day
And now it's too late I'll blame this on fate
Just so I don't have to face the truth
That I was ruth-less
Was the one who got us into this mess
It's a crime scene of the heart yellow tape everywhere
Chalked outlines on the floor here, a knife there
Yeah, the one that stabbed you in the back just when you'd started to relax
Trust me, I knew you would. That you misunderstood
Underestimated me for who I am you're askin yourself was this all a sham?
I played you like a puppet on a string, not knowing I'd end up with nothing
Take my apology and throw it away
You don't deserve someone who should've stayed
Here I am I'm by myself the realization hits
And inside I'm throwin fits
You were the one, you could've helped me
But I distrusted you from the start and that's what made this all a lark
So here I am, getting high so fly in the sky
Nah, we both know I'm not I'm buried in the ground and left to rot
Sorry for the foul play sorry for my false display
Hope you've found what you've been looking for
That's what I want and nothin more.
Image
User avatar
AntiMaTTer
Army Of Three
Offline
Posts: 716
Joined: Tue Aug 31, 2010 11:52 am
Wins: 16
Losses: 1

Re: Pronounced pain

Post by AntiMaTTer »

the lyrics are cool i can tell youre new to this or w/e
but you really need to work on the emotion in it
and learn how to meld it together with the lyrics.
it sounds devoid of emotion and emphasizing the bars
the lyrics could be tweaked too but they had
a rhythm you just need to find how to deliver it
Image

IL record:
16-1
User avatar
Cyan
Dedicated Emcee
Offline
Posts: 98
Joined: Fri Oct 14, 2011 6:53 pm

Re: Pronounced pain

Post by Cyan »

Thanks for the really generous compliments on my song Eighteen ...

Damn girl ... You're really down. These lyrics are hurtin.' I can hear the emotion ... You have a very poetic delivery ... I like how you use gaps of silence ... but there are moments where you are trying to fit too many words into one bar. If you feel that happening ... just stretch the thought out into the next bar ... You are using the beat as a rough guideline for where you should be ... which is good at times ... but when you end a verse and the hook is about to take over ... think about where you are in relation to it and try to have a meaningful exit ... cause your segways into it are abrupt ...

Keep doing your thing. I've found that nothing gets emotions off my chest quicker than writing and recording ... Good start ;)
Post Reply

Return to “The Booth”

Who is online

Users browsing this forum: No registered users and 2 guests