Wow. Complex but flowed very smooth. I actually bust out in chuckles at the cleverness of the multies. The story itself (more of a snapshot I guess) was powerful and really enjoyable to read. Again, wow.

I don't like it. Why? Two reasons.

1. I don't understand it. I cannot find the paradoxes.
2. It makes me feel dumb (see #1).

Well, I may not be too bright but at least I'm good looking. Or at least I claim to be.

There may be no specific content, but definitely have a theme (and one of which I approve). Great flow, I can hear the beat in my head while I read it...

If this is you with writers block then I definitely need to check out what you did before.

Very raw. Could use a little more polish (though you may already know that) but then sometimes polishing something too much takes away from the urgency and emotion, both of which come through well. I think too that the intensity of the piece does help one to empathize, which is both rare and ...

Thanks a lot to both of you for the feed. I think it does need some more WOW factors, but at least I have some amount of flow which I guess is a good place to start.

So no one thought much of my first couple of posts. That’s OK, I revel in mediocrity (although I do have a hard shell so telling me what I’m doing wrong is ok).

Anyway, let’s try something a little sillier…



Bring broke beats and we’ll bring back bodies
With bandwidth booming and parity to party ...

Wow. That's crazy. Never really got much feedback from that site, so I thought I'd post it here. I cannot believe that you actually caught a 7 year old cross post.

What are you, some genius or something?

Solvents boil, pions toil
on distillations wraped in foil
columns long of silicon
give seperations for the calm

and patient folk beneath the yolk
all the while we stand to stoke
enthalpatic fires for entropic mires
where selectivity corrodes! expires!

but don't dispair, purge of air
and replace ...

<t>Sorry to post two back to back, but I think the first was pretty weak. This one may be a little better, but then I'm new to this so I may be off base...<br/>
<br/>
Keep moving, but always tread light<br/>
imprints on the ground lead to enemies sight<br/>
& thought...are they following me?<br ...

First post, here we go...

I'm hold up im my keep
Trying to get some sleep
I hear something down below;
some punk trying to creep?

Check: nothing, back to bed
Need to fix this head
Up or down on the meds?
Not enough water with the lead?

From the pipes down the well
& even deeper do they dwell ...