Not bad, raw emotion was there try to increase line length with more content, try using basic imagery to pull the reader in, also spell check drops I'm not a good with grammar infact I'm dyslexic but spelling mistakes fuck up the flow and throw readers off, just a heads up

Peace

[ Post made via ...

Check

[ Post made via iPod ]

ima give my vote to QB, i dont have time to explain realy but im sure the above have explained enough, i enjoyed his verse the best.

Potassium solutions as answers to my criminal selections in question
after a last meal and undressing im tied down as they reveal the final lesson
I found a form of ...

Through wicked times came my pain, one to scorch souls
A burn uncompromised by the rain drops spitting in horse blows
If I knew then what I know now, id be better in disguise
Wouldn't let them take me to genocide for like Anne I'd hide
Never too be found, off the radar, special forces wouldn't find ...

in, how i link this to aim so my pms will get emails sent to my fone?

Well I'm trying to elevate so ten lines due tuesday as I have work tomorrow

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If those legs are in fact painted on
Where did you find paint that doesn’t run?

that was dope.... no realy it was, so was the whole peice but i felt this part more creative. but props keep doing your thing.

Alphabetical Assonance's Amazing
Aranging A's As Aim After Awaking

is that what you mean

i thinks it a good idea tbh, if people are going to elevate then surely they will take more time to write, try and think things out, then post. after the battle if they want to know what there doing wrong they could ask someone what they need to focus on. instead of someone going change this that ...

The smell is irritant, sounds of eeriness in increments, I'm alone, completely lost
The feeling of death is imminent, keeping me vigilant, an immigrant but at what cost?

i think the assonance in this bar was too strong, the rhyming of slightly forced words made it drag along as most of these word ...

thanks for the feed def

nice deep drop man, the second religous peice since ive been back lol, but nice work look forward to seing your next piece and see if you can switch it up a little

Or somewhere else... I can easily prove their system fails
Point to the "stars in the dark night" & watch every 'Christian Bail'
The Reverend runs, no Adidas.. conversations starting up
Got me asking "did Tsunami victims not pray hard enough?"

nice few lines

Do ya lie? Raise em' in a world that's ...

incase of confusion this was written for the NWL, the topic was a pretty bland picture of a bench ill try insert picture if i can.

http://i73.photobucket.com/albums/i233/Ryan_B_2k6/hx9qtc.jpg

I’ve walked this lane before, a place where trees are bare and wind is low
a scarce land, inhabited by ...

problem is you need apple developing suite(or wateva its called)then you need to programe the app probs with xml in c++ or with a unique apple writing code.

i think the suite cost money aswell, to do it for driod i dont no how to do but windows 7 phone has some software to programe apps in c+