from my last written, I think this is a good improvement, feedback please !

a vision in my mind, sometimes it feels as if it's all predecided
you gotta ride the wave, look for prospects to confide in, living beside trauma and bloodshed
as i dig deeper through the shadows, filled with life time ...

looking good man, got some good rhymes there, pretty deep with some sick metaphors and I like the way a lot of it flows. Good job

Peace

I need some feedback on this one, haven't been writing for long but would like to see what you guys think :)

deep in my train of thought
a warped image in my mind I let distort
through my upbringing, mannerisms were taught
now i've found my feet, past troubles and tragedies, weigh over my head to ...