Hip Hop Forum

Due in three days.

16 lines

The topic is....

Pick

A letter to your European pen pal
Haunted by a dead celebrity
Your life is a lie
Daydreaming
Trapped at sea
When the moon is full I..
Sleep walking
The diary of a serial killer
Dirty gym socks
The last place on Earth I'd want to be
Your morning wood
Kidnapped
Teenage runaway
Finding bigfoot
My funeral service
The village idiot
Campfire horror stories
Blackout

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Pick before you drop...

ill Do Trapped At Sea,if thats cool with u

It don't matter. You choose what you want.

I'm still thinking..

The diary of a serial killer

Topic : Trapped At Sea

the water ripples,the rains pourin down while im watchin a few fruit flies
buzzin around a snorin man now,with loose laces that kept his boots tied
the sun is no where to be found and i cant see ground,its all water n deep now
the water clashes against the boat furiously and im really supposed 2 sleep how?
a zap of Lightning strikes the earth causin fire and immensly rattles the land
wind hits the waves with force as im sayin 'thats god,i cant battle that man'
but as the night progresses i can feel the lonelyness burnin in my veins
cuz im learnin that pain,is often found while happiness im earnin thru the rain
i only have some juice-n-bread but after the energy from that boost is dead
ill have'ta scoot ahead,on this mission and quit bitchin about who said
'the sunshine comes after the rain,'cuz right about now im feelin hopeless
and this rope just,got me wantin to strangle n mangle this kid cuz im smokeless
and the man next 2 me is in some kinda ectasy,his face shows pleasure but complexity
he turns over and asks 'when i die,please give the lord whatever is left of me'
with a confused look i nod and open up the sails,they dont work there broken n frail
i see dark clouds,tho im trapped at sea this isnt a dream that cud be spoken as a tale

I smell the aroma of blood in my hair, it's fresh
cuz last night was a thugging affair, there was a buzz in the air
I stalked this guy from the building square
there was to many witnesses or i would have killed him there
when it comes to being skilled with a gun, seems I'm stuck in a zone
I follow him to up to his home, and I start by cutting his phone
I bust in unknown with a gun, for a moment I'm stunned
then I aim the chrome at this chump, watch his dome blown and its spun
blood is dripping and flows like a pump, half his mug is missing
killing is like a drug addiction, I EVEN love the victim
my fingers cold on the ghat, i remember my hand was twitching
but I get over all of that, and reloaded the ammunition
now I have a full clip, I love to watch brains leak from a bullet
I put the ghat to his sons head and said it would be neat if you pull it
then I went home, feeling great, so I decided to write this entry
I'm a serial killer, what can I say? thats where life has sent me

Flow: 1-15
Multis/Rhyme Scheme: 1-10
Originality: 1-10
Wordplay/Sims/Metas: 1-10
Stays On Topic: 1-20
Execution Of Topic: 1-5

Remember, vote with...

Good luck man. Nice verse.

ty and good luck to you as well,good drop and uppin the votes

Tramatik, your verse was all over man.. you didnt stay on topic at all and some of your lines wouldnt make any sense about bein trapped at see.

Flow: 8
Multis/Rhyme Scheme: 5
Originality: 7
Wordplay/Sims/Metas: 5
Stays On Topic: 9
Execution Of Topic: 1

Plex your verse was sick for the most part, the flow fell off a lil in the middle but other than that you stayed on topic perfectly.

Flow: 14
Multis/Rhyme Scheme: 9
Originality: 9
Wordplay/Sims/Metas: 7
Stays On Topic: 18
Execution Of Topic: 4

Vote:Plex

Tramatik:

Flow: 8 .. Tha Flow Was Kinda Choppy at Certain Points ..
Multis/Rhyme Scheme: 7.5 .. ya Multies Didn`t Flow as Smoothly as U Were aimin` For ..
Originality: 6.5 .. i Thought U Woulda Thought Outside Tha Box But U Did Wat i Excepted ..
Wordplay/Sims/Metas: 7.5 .. None Really Grabbed Me, They Were Simple ..
Stays On Topic: 18 .. Stayed On Topic Tha Whole Time ..
Execution Of Topic: 3 ..

Plex:

Flow: 11 .. Tha Flow Was Real Nice & Smooth ..
Multis/Rhyme Scheme: 8.5 .. Tha Words Tied Together Firmly ..
Originality: 8.5 .. it Could`ve Been Better .. & More Complex Like a Surprise Endin` .. But it Was Koo`
Wordplay/Sims/Metas: 8.5 .. Pretty Good at Some Points ..
Stays On Topic: 19 .. Stayed On Topic Throughout Tha Entire Verse ..
Execution Of Topic: 4 ..


Vote - Plex ..
2-0 ..

Complexity

Flow 12
Multis/Rhyme scheme 8
Originality 8
Wordplay 7
Stays On Topic 19
Execution of Topic 5


Tramatik

Flow 8
Multis/Rhyme scheme 5
Originality 7
Wordplay 7
Stays On Topic 8
Execution of Topic 2


Tramatik your verse wasnt bad and i think you could of picked an easier topic
Complexitys was just better in every area.

Vote Complexity

thanks 4 the feed u guys,and nice job plex

-records updated-