Pa didn't come home for an entire week. I sat on the porch steps late on night wrapped in all of Granny's old shawls and stared at the stormy sky. There had to be a better place for me. Somewhere, a better place.
Toward the river, an owl hooted, followed by the howl of a roaming wolf and the scamper of scared wild rabbits. A bang of thunder in the distance, the northeast autumn wind shrieked and whistled around the forest trees, whipped around the trembling cabin and threatened to blow it away.
I stared af the moon - The very same moon that row high over Hollywood and New York City, London and Paris. Someday I'd like to have a real bed of my own to sleep in, with goosedown pillows and satin comforters. I'd have closets full of new dresses, and shoes by the dozen, in all colours. I'd eat in fancy restaurants where tall slim candles glowed with socialites and have a driver take me everywhere I needed to go.
But right now I had only a hard cold step to sleep on. And tears were freezing on my cheeks and lashes.
[ Post made via Android ]
The Dream
Moderators: Loon E Lou, Kuhlerblynd, Glamtrash, Borat
-
- Supreme Lyricist
- Posts: 6800
- Joined: Mon Dec 18, 2006 1:41 am
- Wins: 67
- Losses: 70
- Location: The Port
Re: The Dream
Toward the river, an owl hooted, followed by the howl of a roaming wolf and the scamper of scared wild rabbits. A bang of thunder in the distance, the northeast autumn wind shrieked and whistled around the forest trees, whipped around the trembling cabin and threatened to blow it away.
Wow. This just captured me... very well written, loved what you did here.
real potent glam
I stared af the moon - The very same moon that row high over Hollywood and New York City, London and Paris.
Love this line
Someday I'd like to have a real bed of my own to sleep in, with goosedown pillows and satin comforters. I'd have closets full of new dresses, and shoes by the dozen, in all colours. I'd eat in fancy restaurants where tall slim candles glowed with socialites and have a driver take me everywhere I needed to go.
This is nice as well
But right now I had only a hard cold step to sleep on. And tears were freezing on my cheeks and lashes.
tears were or are? Either way Great Closer..
Overall I really enjoyed this... you painted a vivid picture
I felt like this was spoken word in a way...
Good stuff, keep it up
Wow. This just captured me... very well written, loved what you did here.
real potent glam
I stared af the moon - The very same moon that row high over Hollywood and New York City, London and Paris.
Love this line
Someday I'd like to have a real bed of my own to sleep in, with goosedown pillows and satin comforters. I'd have closets full of new dresses, and shoes by the dozen, in all colours. I'd eat in fancy restaurants where tall slim candles glowed with socialites and have a driver take me everywhere I needed to go.
This is nice as well
But right now I had only a hard cold step to sleep on. And tears were freezing on my cheeks and lashes.
tears were or are? Either way Great Closer..
Overall I really enjoyed this... you painted a vivid picture
I felt like this was spoken word in a way...
Good stuff, keep it up
Re: The Dream
This was alright a bit different from what I'm used to seeing from you but it's always good to experiment. Good way to tell an otherwise played story and it did hold my interest. The end was just plain depressing lol but you did make it quite clear like I was seeing through someone elses eyes.
[ Post made via iPod ]
[ Post made via iPod ]
AKA SCOTCH HALL, MOE MEIJER & MOMEIJAH.
- MonuMental
- Hairy Scoundrel
- Posts: 528
- Joined: Fri Feb 18, 2011 9:09 pm
- Location: Leland, MS
Re: The Dream
This is some good writing, and if it was done as long ago as you say, it could only have gotten better with age. I could actually picture the wilderness you described, and feel the warmth of the life you showed such yeaning for. I know the cold pain of those frozen tears, and I've seen it on faces I love. Great writing here, Glam. Props. Aqueeze us out a novel, already, so I can tell everyone I know the author.
[center]Peel back the facade and behold a bold insanity,
With no repose or vanity, composed of inhumanity.[/center]
[center][/center]
[center][/center]
[center][/center]
[center]Illest Awards For 2011:
Text MC of the Year- MonuMental
Class of 2011- MonuMental, Enlightend, 3rd String, CBK, and Pest
Writer of the Year- MonuMental
Written of the Year- MonuMental 'A Series of Unfortunate Events'[/center]
[center]a-series-of-unfortunate-events-vt23866.html[/center]
With no repose or vanity, composed of inhumanity.[/center]
[center][/center]
[center][/center]
[center][/center]
[center]Illest Awards For 2011:
Text MC of the Year- MonuMental
Class of 2011- MonuMental, Enlightend, 3rd String, CBK, and Pest
Writer of the Year- MonuMental
Written of the Year- MonuMental 'A Series of Unfortunate Events'[/center]
[center]a-series-of-unfortunate-events-vt23866.html[/center]
- Kuhlerblynd
- But I See Right Thru You
- Posts: 2724
- Joined: Tue Aug 17, 2010 8:04 pm
- Wins: 43
- Losses: 8
- No Shows: 2
Re: The Dream
DAAMMMNNNNNN! This is some deep, deep shit. The imagery, the emotion, and the flow of the words when spoken were crisp and definitely refreshing. The details laced throughout really brought this piece to life, and the realness in which you worded it all, almost in a 'matter of fact' type feel, was really nice to read. I wish there was more. I thought the beginning was a great way to hook the reader in, and that second paragraph seemed to bring a sense of reality with it. The third paragraph is my favorite though. I like how you elaborated more here, really putting the 'yearning for' into this piece in proper fashion. Everything could be easily seen in my mind's eye as I read it. The closer is cold, though, and heart-breaking. Nearly disturbing, and definitely sad. This was a great read, and a much appreciated switch from the normal stuff we read on this site regularly. Great, great job on this one Glam. Hope to see another drop from you soon!!
Re: The Dream
<3
POET OF THE YEAR 2011
I'm often soft like cotton but my message is clear, my words hold weight like "dumbos" ears.
I'm often soft like cotton but my message is clear, my words hold weight like "dumbos" ears.
Who is online
Users browsing this forum: No registered users and 1 guest