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story time

Posted: Thu Oct 27, 2011 2:45 pm
by Defiance
plotting an scheming demons eating away at the mind of a heathen
creeping in the evening seeking weeklings without thought or feeling
dealing his crimes which at the time seemed borderlined inside his mind
what did he find road signs screaming STOP!! but he forgot to watch the time
as he designed another snatch an run as he loaded his clip an packed his gun
up til the crack of sun spotted his victim as she walked passed the slums
crept behind her an smacked her dumb reached in his pocket an grabbed his gun
saying bitch give me what you got not scared of the law like fuck the cops
he punched an cocked his pistol reared back and bucked a shot
the shot tore through her torso bored holes into her sore soul
blood drain from her gored throat as he ripped away her purse and shouted whore go
he felt no feelings of remourse for his course an fled with no recoarse
just another body in the morgue with another note for a another toe
he got home and checked for dough found a penny and a crumpled note
it read i'm sorry for your soul i know its hard when theres no hope
he never choked when the fingers slide around his throat like a rope
it was the womens child all alone he heard the news alone at home
let his feet hit stone and follow bloody footprints to a place called mountain cove
seen smoke from a stove and followed the prints further down the road
seen bloody finger prints nevered rinsed on a handle with a golden tint
caught a glipse of a man rifling through all his mommas shit
he was pissed the anger shifts so he crept in and tightened grip
he scream as the life drained from this thug with a pain like a migrane
he tried staying but ran down the block with tears of shame
he couldnt escape the fate that the ghetto had instilled in him
the holes never filling him now hes the same thug outside the slums killing men

Re: story time

Posted: Thu Nov 10, 2011 10:27 am
by Kau the Lion
Why the hell is this getting slept on!? This is fucking nice. Flow and mutlies were great and you really told an engaging story. Never fell off from beginning to end. Nice job!

Re: story time

Posted: Sat Dec 24, 2011 11:47 am
by vanity
wow i really loved this!!! great multis, vocab and flow prolly one of my favorite i have read so far on any site great job:

Re: story time

Posted: Mon Dec 26, 2011 10:14 pm
by QwarterZ
This was a pretty cool story my dude...the start was kinda bumpy but as you progressed you started to build up the characters potential...I had to reread it to fully get the vibe again but you really show potential to be a dope ass writer...keep writing my dude

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