Kenneth.

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Borat
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Kenneth.

Post by Borat »

From my house to the end of the street
Is a journey, four front yards, three fences
And two bus stops away from here lived Kenneth.
Now Kenneth, he’d always say
“I once watched my mother die on this lawn”

You should have seen her, hair laced with tulips
She smelt like the roses Kenneth would say.
Since age eight, Kenneth was told
“Keep on the grass” so there were days you could
Find him along side to the drive way.
sitting next to his mother learning to grow.

The two… Were perfect,
She! Was fucking gorgeous!
Eyes as brown as the earth, her beauty
Stretched for miles!

Now Kenneth he’d repeat over and over.
“I’ve seen my mother cut deep,
Any man from any world would have rolled
Over and died by now if forced to bare
The weight of the sky like she did”

The same way Kenneth learned to lay in his
Nurture’s arms is the same way Kenneth
Learned to respect the weight she bore.
He…Lliterally feed off it.

The sun setting in the view of his outstretched arms,
Reaching like he’s never reached before.
As if grabbing the source of his mother will somehow
Bring her BACK… Kenneth needs to learn.

So after years of standing still, two tattoos later,
Initials painted like love across his heart.
Kenneth realized maybe there are things to die for,
perhaps this life is a result of death.

With that Kenneth learned to smile as he watched
His mother multiply and replenish the earth.

It was then Kenneth learned to accept the inevitable
Remove his bark and crawl to the stars.
His mother, she smelt like the sun. Wore stars as eyes
Her lips stretched like clouds. she spoke to me…

She said …
“My son he’s not dead.
He lives four front yards, three fences,
And two bus stops away from here.
You should see him,
He stands as tall as trees, my son!
He’s our everything.”
POET OF THE YEAR 2011
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I'm often soft like cotton but my message is clear, my words hold weight like "dumbos" ears.
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plague_arsonist
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Re: Kenneth.

Post by plague_arsonist »

reading this i see more of a poetic edge i liked it honestly now if this wasnt poetry i would say some lines were forced but in poetry straight swagg

feed back need well vote rather its a decent read tho http://www.illestlyrics.com/board/prove ... 23682.html

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MonuMental
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Re: Kenneth.

Post by MonuMental »

Dude. I mind tripped on this shit. I had my own interpretation of it going on in my head, and I thought it was beautifully done. I saw nature, and life, and inevitability incarnate. Damn, dude. Props for this, homie.
[center]Peel back the facade and behold a bold insanity,
With no repose or vanity, composed of inhumanity.[/center]
[center]Image[/center]
[center]Image[/center]
[center]Image[/center]
[center]Illest Awards For 2011:
Text MC of the Year- MonuMental
Class of 2011- MonuMental, Enlightend, 3rd String, CBK, and Pest
Writer of the Year- MonuMental
Written of the Year- MonuMental 'A Series of Unfortunate Events'[/center]

[center]a-series-of-unfortunate-events-vt23866.html[/center]

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Kuhlerblynd
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Re: Kenneth.

Post by Kuhlerblynd »

I really thought the imagery was deep as hell... For me to try and say its about one thing or another would be difficult. I caught alot of metaphors. I felt like your structure on this was done flawlessly, as it seemed to help draw my attention to the words more. Awesome piece fam. Keep writing!



(Can you feed my piece Trapped? Thanks)
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M33Kish
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Re: Kenneth.

Post by M33Kish »

Famo, lemme tell you somethin... My mama does poetry, and she told me "a poem ain't a poem unless it strikes emotion, and it ain't a good poem unless you can match the emotion with an image"... you my nigga, are a fuckin poets poet. Dope... need I say more??? Probably, but I won't... :)

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Borat
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Re: Kenneth.

Post by Borat »

Word, thank you all for the feedback I really appreciate it! I shall feed your hungry drops.
POET OF THE YEAR 2011
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I'm often soft like cotton but my message is clear, my words hold weight like "dumbos" ears.
Image
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Loon E Lou
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Re: Kenneth.

Post by Loon E Lou »

You mother fucker.....





This was fuckin magical no bullshit.

A nice vivid picture was painted. You painted outside the lines on this one, and i dug it.

A great story piece with great points to remember.

Nice work my hairy friend

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Alvin
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Re: Kenneth.

Post by Alvin »

From my house to the end of the street
Is a journey, four front yards, three fences
And two bus stops away from here lived Kenneth.
Now Kenneth, he’d always say
“I once watched my mother die on this lawn”
nice picture of the setting, great way to start any piece.

You should have seen her, hair laced with tulips
She smelt like the roses Kenneth would say.
Since age eight, Kenneth was told
“Keep on the grass” so there were days you could
Find him along side to the drive way.
sitting next to his mother learning to grow.
ok, nice backround information, building character and allowing us to connect with the characters. But grass lol?

The two… Were perfect,
She! Was fucking gorgeous!
Eyes as brown as the earth, her beauty
Stretched for miles!
The thing i didnt like about this, was so far its been a humble almost retrospect view on things, but innocent, now the cursing shined a new light on it which was sudden and almost uninvited IMO.

Now Kenneth he’d repeat over and over.
“I’ve seen my mother cut deep,
Any man from any world would have rolled
Over and died by now if forced to bare
The weight of the sky like she did”
Nice recovery. Im back in it, growing emotion for kenneth and his mom, which your drawing pictures of beautifully

The same way Kenneth learned to lay in his
Nurture’s arms is the same way Kenneth
Learned to respect the weight she bore.
He…Lliterally feed off it.
Nice man, dependancy issues manifesting into odd translations.

The sun setting in the view of his outstretched arms,
Reaching like he’s never reached before.
As if grabbing the source of his mother will somehow
Bring her BACK… Kenneth needs to learn.


So after years of standing still, two tattoos later,
Initials painted like love across his heart.
Kenneth realized maybe there are things to die for,
perhaps this life is a result of death.
Nice moral conflict right here man. Perfect set up honestly

With that Kenneth learned to smile as he watched
His mother multiply and replenish the earth.

It was then Kenneth learned to accept the inevitable
Remove his bark and crawl to the stars.
His mother, she smelt like the sun. Wore stars as eyes
Her lips stretched like clouds. she spoke to me…

She said …
“My son he’s not dead.
He lives four front yards, three fences,
And two bus stops away from here.
You should see him,
He stands as tall as trees, my son!
He’s our everything.”
Wow, this is some dope shit man, i like this... Do we have a poetry classic section?!?!?!

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Glamtrash
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Re: Kenneth.

Post by Glamtrash »

<3

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Borat
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Re: Kenneth.

Post by Borat »

lol <3 thank you all for the feedback, I appreciate soo much. and we really do need a classic poetry section... perhaps I will make one.
POET OF THE YEAR 2011
Image
I'm often soft like cotton but my message is clear, my words hold weight like "dumbos" ears.
Image
Image

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