Bite Back

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optic
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Bite Back

Post by optic »

trying to get some of my things out there so heres a fresh freewrite for you tell me what you think. sorry about the spelling it isnt my strong point.

envy fuels the nonsence thru false contexts//
shits preplex and we make it more complex//
screaming and throwing objects//
mind is fulla shit but not sure of its contents//
lost in a never ending circle no str8 path//
choking on our own words face purple wit raged wrath//
hating the same people you once made laugh//
deranged in the mind state thanks to a strange past//
keepin your chin up because people can change fast//
taking life by the horns taming the beast//
eatting up the past picking leftovers out my teeth//
with things the way they are i always have a feast//
growing strong through the tough shit rising from beneath//
im a rose in a jungle pathed with concrete//
Life is what you make it, thank god for making me creative,

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CBK
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Re: Bite Back

Post by CBK »

nice post.

my advice to you is feed and vote on lots of peoples stuff and the favour will be returned,even if there only big up comments or signs of respect it still shows you've read their shit... alot of new cats on here demand instant recognition without putting in time or effort but if you get involved on posts an in the shoutbox it wont take long for you to become a well known name as for your ost theres not much i can find at fault it is a lil basic but it rhymes well an flows ok

some lines seem off tho and forced but these are creases you can iron out by simply being more active and reading an elevating.

anyway sorry for the essay an welcome to illest dude.

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optic
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Re: Bite Back

Post by optic »

thanks for the feed back, and yeah i know what your saying im still getting the hang of this site so ill slowly become more active.

-- Sat Nov 19, 2011 12:00 am --

thanks for the feed back, and yeah i know what your saying im still getting the hang of this site so ill slowly become more active.
Life is what you make it, thank god for making me creative,

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CBK
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Re: Bite Back

Post by CBK »

good man... the longer u spend here the easier it gets trust me.. ask for help if you need it,alvin's a helpful guy so is Kuhlerblynd but if theyre not available, i'll help you out if i can but im quite newish and far from the best myself.

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Dream
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Re: Bite Back

Post by Dream »

Nice piece.

I'm a sucker for text pieces with true emotion.
Rhymes seemed very natural, not forced.
deranged in the mind state thanks to a strange past//
Fave line. Love it.

Props. <3
[center]Image

Simplicity is the ultimate sophistication.[/center]

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Kau the Lion
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Re: Bite Back

Post by Kau the Lion »

Decent drop. Like you said, spelling wasn't great but other than that nothing really wrong with it. A couple decent multies and the flow was decent. Keep it up and welcme to Illest.

[ Post made via Samsung Epic ] Image
Image

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Skeptikal
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Re: Bite Back

Post by Skeptikal »

Nice drop son. Simple multies but aiight n effective. Feelin the emotion tip.

I like this bar

deranged in the mind state thanks to a strange past//
keepin your chin up because people can change fast//
[center]...You Aint Fuckin Wit Me...
Image[/center]

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FatalX
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Re: Bite Back

Post by FatalX »

I thought this was pretty cool...I think you opened up stronger then you finished it but thats my opinion...this is something I really enjoyed and really don't like critiqueing because its original in the sense its you keep it up........
I CHANNEL all my ENERGY,
while my SPIRIT is SOLEMN//
you HEAR my WORDS in the STREETS-->
because I'm SPEAKING in VOLUMES//

I'm like the MEDIA with QUESTIONS-I never stop SHOOTING
so IF you really got a PROBLEM-we can make this EXCLUSIVE...//

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