<+>

Expand your artistic ability through poetry and story telling. Poetry has been given new life ever since the inception of hip hop. Relax for a minute and explore your poetic side here.

Moderators: Loon E Lou, Kuhlerblynd, Glamtrash, Borat

Post Reply
User avatar
CBK
Rap Assassin
Offline
Posts: 543
Joined: Fri Mar 25, 2011 6:21 am
Wins: 9
Losses: 18
No Shows: 1
Contact:

<+>

Post by CBK »

senile felines, was it a bar or a bat i saw,
snug&raw was i ere i saw war&guns,
Revered now I live on. O did I do no evil, I wonder ever?.
Do Good's deeds live on? No, Evil's deeds do, O God. Reviled did I live, said I, as evil I did deliver.
Doom an evil deed, liven a mood,
God, a red nugget A fat egg under a dog.
No lemons, no melon. No it is opposition,
Drab as a fool, as aloof as a bard.
now sir a war is won. < + >

-- Wed Oct 12, 2011 2:47 am --
Last edited by CBK on Sat Oct 15, 2011 12:44 am, edited 2 times in total.
Loon E Lou
Fuck You, Pay Me
Offline
Posts: 1024
Joined: Thu Jan 14, 2010 5:46 am
Wins: 11
Losses: 6
Location: 831, California

Re: <+>

Post by Loon E Lou »

Kida all over the place. Subject wise.

Structure wasnt as bad second time around. I read this in the sb.

Come up with a subject and stick to it.

[ Post made via iPhone ] Image
User avatar
Glamtrash
Poetic Juggernaut
Offline
Posts: 1498
Joined: Thu Nov 22, 2007 3:42 pm
Wins: 0
Losses: 0
Location: Where the Treetops Kiss the Stars

Re: <+>

Post by Glamtrash »

Thanks lol.

interesting topic choice. Mediocre vocabulary, and short. It shouldn't be both unless you know it can stand to.

Keep em comin, kid.

[ Post made via Android ] Image
User avatar
CBK
Rap Assassin
Offline
Posts: 543
Joined: Fri Mar 25, 2011 6:21 am
Wins: 9
Losses: 18
No Shows: 1
Contact:

Re: <+>

Post by CBK »

did neither of you pick up on the fact that its palindromic?
User avatar
Borat
Lazy Ass
Offline
Posts: 802
Joined: Mon Mar 06, 2006 10:25 am
Wins: 1
Losses: 2
No Shows: 1

Re: <+>

Post by Borat »

It's very hard to write a good palindromic verse. For what it is I would say it's alright, still kinda sketchy, you did do better with it then I could. I think you should keep trying cause it will only get better with practice.

[ Post made via Windows Smartphone ] Image
POET OF THE YEAR 2011
Image
I'm often soft like cotton but my message is clear, my words hold weight like "dumbos" ears.
Image
Image
User avatar
Dream
Dedicated Emcee
Offline
Posts: 99
Joined: Mon Dec 05, 2011 10:04 am
Location: East Coast, Canada

Re: <+>

Post by Dream »


Hm.

Honestly, I was confused.
As the others wrote, it's all over the place.
Try to keep on one subject. Kill it.

God, a red nugget A fat egg under a dog.


Sorry, that line made me giggle. =D

Props.

[center]Image

Simplicity is the ultimate sophistication.[/center]
Post Reply

Return to “The Poet's Stage”

Who is online

Users browsing this forum: No registered users and 3 guests