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Expand your artistic ability through poetry and story telling. Poetry has been given new life ever since the inception of hip hop. Relax for a minute and explore your poetic side here.

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CBK
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<+>

Post by CBK »

senile felines, was it a bar or a bat i saw,
snug&raw was i ere i saw war&guns,
Revered now I live on. O did I do no evil, I wonder ever?.
Do Good's deeds live on? No, Evil's deeds do, O God. Reviled did I live, said I, as evil I did deliver.
Doom an evil deed, liven a mood,
God, a red nugget A fat egg under a dog.
No lemons, no melon. No it is opposition,
Drab as a fool, as aloof as a bard.
now sir a war is won. < + >

-- Wed Oct 12, 2011 2:47 am --
Last edited by CBK on Sat Oct 15, 2011 12:44 am, edited 2 times in total.

Loon E Lou
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Re: <+>

Post by Loon E Lou »

Kida all over the place. Subject wise.

Structure wasnt as bad second time around. I read this in the sb.

Come up with a subject and stick to it.

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Glamtrash
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Post by Glamtrash »

Thanks lol.

interesting topic choice. Mediocre vocabulary, and short. It shouldn't be both unless you know it can stand to.

Keep em comin, kid.

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CBK
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Re: <+>

Post by CBK »

did neither of you pick up on the fact that its palindromic?

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Borat
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Re: <+>

Post by Borat »

It's very hard to write a good palindromic verse. For what it is I would say it's alright, still kinda sketchy, you did do better with it then I could. I think you should keep trying cause it will only get better with practice.

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Dream
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Re: <+>

Post by Dream »


Hm.

Honestly, I was confused.
As the others wrote, it's all over the place.
Try to keep on one subject. Kill it.

God, a red nugget A fat egg under a dog.


Sorry, that line made me giggle. =D

Props.

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