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Yo
bitches get on there knees like im the PRINCE cause SINCE my father died they call me the next Machiavelli/
When i drop on a track i dont even need a beat i do it all Acapelli/
I aint talkin Latin Kings when i say i rep BLACK and YELLOW/
ill Relapse when i eat M and Ms and start to say HELLO/
my flows off the charts you would think it was a size 11 earthquake and i say its nothing im just warming up/
ill dance with the devil like my Technique is Immortal, i guess you can call me GOD,yup/
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Feedback wanted
Moderators: Loon E Lou, Enlightend
Re: Feedback wanted
its okay. that last line was garbage tho...
7/10
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7/10
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Catastropic wrote:i went to ya site on reverbnation, and i heard ya' projects bro, i must say they real damn good...
at ya' age you have a 5star skillz,
and believe you're gonna make in the music biz.
i love ya' sht...most definitely...
keep up the good work bro!
- Defiance
- Rap King
- Posts: 946
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- Losses: 13
- Location: boise, Idaho
Re: Feedback wanted
dude your flow is off, merly because of your structuring of verse. theres a lack of conviction in the words because theres like 5 bars there.. Complexity needs an upping...
if you read your shit out loud and theres a lack of flow its probably cause there is. you should try shortening your bars to about half the size, add more complexity to it. dont over extend the wording between each rhyme..
but keep dropping and your sure to elevate
if you read your shit out loud and theres a lack of flow its probably cause there is. you should try shortening your bars to about half the size, add more complexity to it. dont over extend the wording between each rhyme..
but keep dropping and your sure to elevate
Sound click page
http://www.soundclick.com/bands/default ... dID=918703
One of Illestlyrics Best Collaborators 2011
- MonuMental
- Hairy Scoundrel
- Posts: 528
- Joined: Fri Feb 18, 2011 9:09 pm
- Location: Leland, MS
Re: Feedback wanted
I couldn't follow this structure wise, flow wise, or content wise. Tighten those bars up and step your wording up. Pick one subject or feeling in your head and talk about it as many different ways as you can. We all have room to improve.
[center]Peel back the facade and behold a bold insanity,
With no repose or vanity, composed of inhumanity.[/center]
[center][/center]
[center][/center]
[center][/center]
[center]Illest Awards For 2011:
Text MC of the Year- MonuMental
Class of 2011- MonuMental, Enlightend, 3rd String, CBK, and Pest
Writer of the Year- MonuMental
Written of the Year- MonuMental 'A Series of Unfortunate Events'[/center]
[center]a-series-of-unfortunate-events-vt23866.html[/center]
With no repose or vanity, composed of inhumanity.[/center]
[center][/center]
[center][/center]
[center][/center]
[center]Illest Awards For 2011:
Text MC of the Year- MonuMental
Class of 2011- MonuMental, Enlightend, 3rd String, CBK, and Pest
Writer of the Year- MonuMental
Written of the Year- MonuMental 'A Series of Unfortunate Events'[/center]
[center]a-series-of-unfortunate-events-vt23866.html[/center]
- Kulture
- Dedicated Emcee
- Posts: 76
- Joined: Mon Jun 20, 2011 10:07 am
- Wins: 1
- Location: Birmingham, UK
Re: Feedback wanted
Good flow, and I agree the last line wasn't as good as the rest, only thing I would suggest is to try and make the lines the same size, trust me it flows so much nicer, your flow was good don't get me wrong, but if the lines were the same size it would be even better.
K.O. Proverb,
"my crimes are so unreal, I rob leaders sneakers, stay on them like I'm perfume,
my rhymes are so real, they pop out the of speakers, and walk around the room," - Kulture
Re: Feedback wanted
I dono man not diggin this much at all.. Pretty generic lines umm.. Machavelli and acapelli? Not sure bout that one. All in all i dont like it man but keep droppin and take this comment as constructive critisizm. No hate just tryna help
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bringin' heat but not the same shit your cats on
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