(Untitled)

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Glamtrash
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(Untitled)

Post by Glamtrash »

Twisted as the microbursts that fell uon her eyes
Though you'd never met before, one glance was all it took.
Crimson. Thick. Like the liner no one ever showed her to use
You wonder aloud wheither her undergarments match her lis, and then
Colder than Greenland at night, her abused heart hardens. As does her gri on the crowbar.

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M33Kish
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Re: (Untitled)

Post by M33Kish »

Wow lol that's a sad ending but it was good imagery. I'd like to see a picture of this mystery woman lol.

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Alvin
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Re: (Untitled)

Post by Alvin »

Ok, im not really sure how to review this corrctly, so if im wrong, pardon me, I tried.


It read very short, and even though your lines were nicely worded, it left entirely too much space in the picture. The first 3 lines were a nice opener to what im looking at, but the last two felt and read like an abrupt stop to a train that was barely leaving. The last line felt like it needed more backbone in the story for it to be effective. Nice display of words, but as for strinking a nerve and making this a beautiful piece, i felt it needed more substance.

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Glamtrash
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Re: (Untitled)

Post by Glamtrash »

For the record it's as short as it is because that's how many characters i'm allowed to ost at one time lol.

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Kuhlerblynd
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Re: (Untitled)

Post by Kuhlerblynd »

I agree, I would have LOVED to see this one develop more. Maybe you could post something in your forum, a little at a time, until you were finished and I could put it together as one for you then post it in here for you as well?

But I would love to see where this one could go.
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Poe-It
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Re: (Untitled)

Post by Poe-It »

yea i definitly woulda loved to read more depth with this but as now it leaves me confused

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