Replaced

Expand your artistic ability through poetry and story telling. Poetry has been given new life ever since the inception of hip hop. Relax for a minute and explore your poetic side here.

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Glamtrash
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Post by Glamtrash »

Dark makeup shielding the scars
where her childhood smile used to be.
Any smile seen upon that face
is fake, and beoken now.

Chains and safety pins adorn her
where the stars and rainbows used to be.
The likes of those things
faded into darkness long ago.

Blood and ink smeared on the paper
where the fairytales used to be.
Wishing her life were but a story,
the pain would be meaningless that way.

Walking through the cemetary gates.
Kneeling down, knees dirtied from the muddy ground.
Tracing her fingers over the gravestones,
wondering if hers will be that pretty.

Beauty is over-rated.
So many different perceptions.
Hers is morbid and shunned.
Hers is the type people wish to replace.

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Momeijah
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Post by Momeijah »

i Rarely Visit The Poetry Section But Since ur a Keen New Member Who Has Been Active - i Will Leave Feed Since Noone Else Has, Just in Case u Run Off Due To Shitty Feedback.

So Yeah, First Of All There Were Plenty Of Quotables in This, For Example:

Dark makeup shielding the scars
where her childhood smile used to be

Wishing her life were but a story,
the pain would be meaningless that way.

Tracing her fingers over the gravestones,
wondering if hers will be that pretty.

Hers is morbid and shunned.
Hers is the type people wish to replace.

All Of Those Stood Out To Me^. Why? Because i Like ur Direction. This Could've Been a Shitty Basic Poem About Some Girl Who Used To Be Happy But is Now Depressed/Thinks She's Ugly And u Could've Just Mentioned Those Two Elements Throughout The Whole Thing, Which is BOOOOOOOORRRRRRRRRRRRIIIIIIINGGGGG.

it's Good To Think About Everything And Have an Open Mind When u Are Writing Anything, Especially a Piece Like This. u Mentioned How She Wanted a Pretty Gravestone, And How She Wished Her Life Was a Story. Props On The Detail. i Mean u Could've Just Wrote Something Like 'She Can't Escape Her Pain' Which is Dull And Unspecific. So Yeah u Brought Some Good Thoughts Going Through Her Mind And Breathed Life into This Piece, i Enjoyed Reading it. Keep Dropping.
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AKA SCOTCH HALL, MOE MEIJER & MOMEIJAH.

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Glamtrash
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Re: Replaced

Post by Glamtrash »

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[ Post made via Mobile Device ] Image

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NoVeL
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Re: Replaced

Post by NoVeL »

Despite whatever gave you the motivation to write this drop FL, in my books you can never be replaced. :)

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Borat
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Re: Replaced

Post by Borat »

I love it FL, you have such a simple yet AMAZING writting style, I would have to say you are my fav poet on this site.

"Walking through the cemetary gates.
Kneeling down, knees dirtied from the muddy ground.
Tracing her fingers over the gravestones,
wondering if hers will be that pretty.

Beauty is over-rated.
So many different perceptions.
Hers is morbid and shunned.
Hers is the type people wish to replace."

..... I don't know how you do it, but I am very happy that you do :) don't ever stop writting please!

You remind me of andrea gibson? I believe that is her name.
POET OF THE YEAR 2011
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I'm often soft like cotton but my message is clear, my words hold weight like "dumbos" ears.
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thadevious1
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Re: Replaced

Post by thadevious1 »

I liked this piece cause it reminds me of a lot of girls
I've got to know over the years
this whole piece tells me this is about the girl that was
quote considered normal
untill she started realy rockin out and listening to punk and metal
and that transformed her state of mind
in a darker deeper one open for more things than Barbie dolls :lol:

this section I think is what's making this a memborable piece for me
and reminds me most of the girls I know that are punk or gothic
or just alternative minded
Chains and safety pins adorn her
where the stars and rainbows used to be.
The likes of those things
faded into darkness long ago.
Last edited by thadevious1 on Tue Mar 22, 2011 5:22 am, edited 1 time in total.
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Immortal Jav
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Re: Replaced

Post by Immortal Jav »

pretty sick ..i was felling it for sure

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