The Dream

Expand your artistic ability through poetry and story telling. Poetry has been given new life ever since the inception of hip hop. Relax for a minute and explore your poetic side here.

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Glamtrash
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The Dream

Post by Glamtrash » Fri May 18, 2012 9:07 am

Pa didn't come home for an entire week. I sat on the porch steps late on night wrapped in all of Granny's old shawls and stared at the stormy sky. There had to be a better place for me. Somewhere, a better place.

Toward the river, an owl hooted, followed by the howl of a roaming wolf and the scamper of scared wild rabbits. A bang of thunder in the distance, the northeast autumn wind shrieked and whistled around the forest trees, whipped around the trembling cabin and threatened to blow it away.

I stared af the moon - The very same moon that row high over Hollywood and New York City, London and Paris. Someday I'd like to have a real bed of my own to sleep in, with goosedown pillows and satin comforters. I'd have closets full of new dresses, and shoes by the dozen, in all colours. I'd eat in fancy restaurants where tall slim candles glowed with socialites and have a driver take me everywhere I needed to go.

But right now I had only a hard cold step to sleep on. And tears were freezing on my cheeks and lashes.

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Haz
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Re: The Dream

Post by Haz » Fri May 18, 2012 10:02 am

Toward the river, an owl hooted, followed by the howl of a roaming wolf and the scamper of scared wild rabbits. A bang of thunder in the distance, the northeast autumn wind shrieked and whistled around the forest trees, whipped around the trembling cabin and threatened to blow it away.


Wow. This just captured me... very well written, loved what you did here.
real potent glam


I stared af the moon - The very same moon that row high over Hollywood and New York City, London and Paris.

Love this line



Someday I'd like to have a real bed of my own to sleep in, with goosedown pillows and satin comforters. I'd have closets full of new dresses, and shoes by the dozen, in all colours. I'd eat in fancy restaurants where tall slim candles glowed with socialites and have a driver take me everywhere I needed to go.

This is nice as well

But right now I had only a hard cold step to sleep on. And tears were freezing on my cheeks and lashes.


tears were or are? Either way Great Closer..

Overall I really enjoyed this... you painted a vivid picture
I felt like this was spoken word in a way...


Good stuff, keep it up
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Momeijah
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Re: The Dream

Post by Momeijah » Sat May 19, 2012 3:55 am

This was alright a bit different from what I'm used to seeing from you but it's always good to experiment. Good way to tell an otherwise played story and it did hold my interest. The end was just plain depressing lol but you did make it quite clear like I was seeing through someone elses eyes.

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AKA SCOTCH HALL, MOE MEIJER & MOMEIJAH.

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MonuMental
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Re: The Dream

Post by MonuMental » Sun May 20, 2012 4:43 am

This is some good writing, and if it was done as long ago as you say, it could only have gotten better with age. I could actually picture the wilderness you described, and feel the warmth of the life you showed such yeaning for. I know the cold pain of those frozen tears, and I've seen it on faces I love. Great writing here, Glam. Props. Aqueeze us out a novel, already, so I can tell everyone I know the author. ;)
[center]Peel back the facade and behold a bold insanity,
With no repose or vanity, composed of inhumanity.[/center]
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[center]Image[/center]
[center]Illest Awards For 2011:
Text MC of the Year- MonuMental
Class of 2011- MonuMental, Enlightend, 3rd String, CBK, and Pest
Writer of the Year- MonuMental
Written of the Year- MonuMental 'A Series of Unfortunate Events'[/center]

[center]a-series-of-unfortunate-events-vt23866.html[/center]

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Kuhlerblynd
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Re: The Dream

Post by Kuhlerblynd » Mon May 21, 2012 2:53 pm

DAAMMMNNNNNN! This is some deep, deep shit. The imagery, the emotion, and the flow of the words when spoken were crisp and definitely refreshing. The details laced throughout really brought this piece to life, and the realness in which you worded it all, almost in a 'matter of fact' type feel, was really nice to read. I wish there was more. I thought the beginning was a great way to hook the reader in, and that second paragraph seemed to bring a sense of reality with it. The third paragraph is my favorite though. I like how you elaborated more here, really putting the 'yearning for' into this piece in proper fashion. Everything could be easily seen in my mind's eye as I read it. The closer is cold, though, and heart-breaking. Nearly disturbing, and definitely sad. This was a great read, and a much appreciated switch from the normal stuff we read on this site regularly. Great, great job on this one Glam. Hope to see another drop from you soon!!
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Borat
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Re: The Dream

Post by Borat » Mon May 21, 2012 7:30 pm

<3
POET OF THE YEAR 2011
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I'm often soft like cotton but my message is clear, my words hold weight like "dumbos" ears.
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