Page 1 of 1


Posted: Wed Oct 12, 2011 10:38 am
by CBK
senile felines, was it a bar or a bat i saw,
snug&raw was i ere i saw war&guns,
Revered now I live on. O did I do no evil, I wonder ever?.
Do Good's deeds live on? No, Evil's deeds do, O God. Reviled did I live, said I, as evil I did deliver.
Doom an evil deed, liven a mood,
God, a red nugget A fat egg under a dog.
No lemons, no melon. No it is opposition,
Drab as a fool, as aloof as a bard.
now sir a war is won. < + >

-- Wed Oct 12, 2011 2:47 am --

Re: <+>

Posted: Wed Oct 12, 2011 12:53 pm
by Loon E Lou
Kida all over the place. Subject wise.

Structure wasnt as bad second time around. I read this in the sb.

Come up with a subject and stick to it.

[ Post made via iPhone ] Image

Re: <+>

Posted: Wed Oct 12, 2011 12:57 pm
by Glamtrash
Thanks lol.

interesting topic choice. Mediocre vocabulary, and short. It shouldn't be both unless you know it can stand to.

Keep em comin, kid.

[ Post made via Android ] Image

Re: <+>

Posted: Wed Oct 12, 2011 1:03 pm
by CBK
did neither of you pick up on the fact that its palindromic?

Re: <+>

Posted: Sat Oct 15, 2011 7:34 am
by Borat
It's very hard to write a good palindromic verse. For what it is I would say it's alright, still kinda sketchy, you did do better with it then I could. I think you should keep trying cause it will only get better with practice.

[ Post made via Windows Smartphone ] Image

Re: <+>

Posted: Tue Dec 06, 2011 12:32 am
by Dream


Honestly, I was confused.
As the others wrote, it's all over the place.
Try to keep on one subject. Kill it.

God, a red nugget A fat egg under a dog.

Sorry, that line made me giggle. =D