Sugar you're sweet .... (DVS1 free)

Expand your artistic ability through poetry and story telling. Poetry has been given new life ever since the inception of hip hop. Relax for a minute and explore your poetic side here.

Moderators: Loon E Lou, Kuhlerblynd, Glamtrash, Borat

Post Reply
User avatar
thadevious1
Lyrically Inclined
Posts: 146
Joined: Sat Mar 19, 2011 1:42 am
Wins: 2
Losses: 1

Sugar you're sweet .... (DVS1 free)

Post by thadevious1 »

I ask my self why we're not focused, on the bigger picture at all,
and how we can live in this world of dreams,
that falls to ruin in the hands of a group so small...
Should I be glad to call out in my anguish and forget it all,
or will I wait till the end of time, 'n open my eyes to the pit falls.
I geuss if you're as ignorant as it seems,
you'll not be able to speak my language at all...

Will it all boil down to the facts, becoming a crumbling heap,
caused by our self induced forgetfullness...
I keep reminding my self that talk is cheap,
maybe that's why we fake our togetherness.
Will I treat this pain like a open wound, and get all up in the crevices
while you keep taking crap, cause I'm not willing to take a piss

Sugar you're sweet, maybe that's why I won't taste your bitterness,
but dont forget that the deeper you'll dig,
the higher the mound next to you 'll get….
[center]Image[/center]

User avatar
Borat
Lazy Ass
Posts: 802
Joined: Mon Mar 06, 2006 10:25 am
Wins: 1
Losses: 2
No Shows: 1

Re: Sugar you're sweet .... (DVS1 free)

Post by Borat »

finding wisdom in our self destruction is what I got from this... not sure if that's what you were going for but that's totally what I read in this and I liked it! good work man it could be tightened up a bit like it's purdy abstract at parts but that's what helped me find myself in your poem, I really liked this line it is actually someting I feel alot in my life "I geuss if you're as ignorant as it seems,
you'll not be able to speak my language at all..." good shit mate I enjoyed the poem.
POET OF THE YEAR 2011
Image
I'm often soft like cotton but my message is clear, my words hold weight like "dumbos" ears.
Image
Image

User avatar
thadevious1
Lyrically Inclined
Posts: 146
Joined: Sat Mar 19, 2011 1:42 am
Wins: 2
Losses: 1

Re: Sugar you're sweet .... (DVS1 free)

Post by thadevious1 »

Thks for the feedback...
and yes i kept it abstract to get ppl thinking
cause there is a double meening behind all of this :lol:

I think you hid it on the head
saying this is about learning from self destruction ....

cause I was aiming for a mesage of opening your eyes
to see the ignorant world around you
and making a change while you still can...
I think my thoughts were a bit simpler :mrgreen:
Last edited by thadevious1 on Wed Sep 28, 2011 4:55 pm, edited 1 time in total.
[center]Image[/center]

ippiki_17
Dedicated Emcee
Posts: 76
Joined: Thu Mar 10, 2011 9:08 am
Contact:

Re: Sugar you're sweet .... (DVS1 free)

Post by ippiki_17 »

I can relate dude. Honestly, I head to read your work twice because I couldn't interpret it at first, but now that I know I think it's awesome. We can all make a change, but it starts with ourselves and we should all start to become aware of the world around us. It isn't all peaches and cream, I deal with deceit everyday...Good shit.

Post Reply

Return to “The Poet's Stage”

Who is online

Users browsing this forum: No registered users and 3 guests