Hip Hop Forum

Sometimes I look in the mirror
And what do I see?
Well, I see me
But it isnt me...
My face is deformed
Twisted in agony and pain
My skin is pale
My smile isn't the same...
My hair has gone grey
And I'm very out of shape
My breathing seems increased
Not at its usual pace...
This mirror must be wrong
No way it can be right
Is it the mirror??
Or how I live my life??

I like this. Short and sweet, yet said a lot! Cool shit I have always wanted to write something reflective like this

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this is ok, nice little subliminal message all the way through revealed in the last line, imo it could of been made better. with poetry i find the best style to go with is a A B A B rhyme.
E.g
Sometimes I gaze deep into this mirror
Theres a differnce but what do I see?
Well, I see me, trapped, almost a prisoner
to my own self,a differnce,But it isnt me...

that was a little too basic to be effective but if you get what i meen this alows you to go into detail, express feelings, sounds, smell, taste, sight a little more.this would definatley enhance this poetry drop. Also using the same word like differnce in both of the B lines sort of enhances theres a differnce and in the next few lines your peotry goes on to explore these differnces making people wanting to read the rest of the drop to find this out.

nice short read tho....peace

Short and sweet. Simple yet meaningful. Deep yet straight to the point. I appreciate reading something with a bit of a different style from what I've read from you before. Think it's a good thing to bring some diversity to the writer's block and expand your styles of delivery.

I like the concet and the idea of how many different ways this can be taken. just work on the length and vocab.

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Word, randomly upping....

This was nice.. I liked it, simple yet filled with so many meanings, i personally can relate to shit too so that's hella deep, concept is good and diverse, i feel , viewing it from an audience point of view the simpleness gave it a certain effect, more could be done yes but considering the image we get of you from your drops this some deep realisation ish

my opinion..

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