Fly Away

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Wrote it to this: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=X9zkzLtH ... ature=plcp



A cacaphonous cavern holds my ancestors spirits
And the glass is more than full so don't you come near it
For fear it, will spill, fall and topple over
Then we'll no longer reminesce about our soldiers
Our brothers, our friends, our history molders
Never has there been a human being more bolder
And the silence is more deafening than ten thousand drums
And the time for moral reckoning has surely now come
All the past misdeeds inflicted by the enemy
All the blood we bleed is used up is this the end of me
I can't come to terms with the path that we've chosen
If we don't stop paving this road our hearts'll be frozen
So I think the time has come for us to spread a little light
Bring together hope and pierce the shell for new insight
And I'm hearing all these voices that I know just ain't quite right
But before the fear inside corrodes us let me spread my wings in flight

[Kuhlerblynd]

This is a cool piece. The vocab, as usual, was well done, and your imagery was put together nicely. I feel like this was kind of a broad topic, though, and could have been centered a on something a little more specifically. This piece flowed well, I did follow right along with the beat, and you made good use of multi's... Also, this was just a little short for my liking, but I dig the message you were getting across to the reader, and I like the topic and the direction you were taking with it. Nicely done fam... Keep writing!

[PMP_Or_Better]

I liked this piece and the message you were getting across. Every line was on beat and that instrumental sounds like the feelings you were trying to express. So overall, it was a pretty nice piece I just wish your multi's could've gotten in there a little more. That's just me though. Keep writing!!!

[FatalX]

I agree with the other two dude...it was nice,not really my type of peace as far as how much energy you placed in it but I am looking forward to reading more\

[MonuMental]

I agree with all of the above, it was a good piece with some solid instances of imagery, it had a few good multies thrown off in it, it flowed well, for the most part, and you seemed to be consistent with the topic, which I'll admit, I had to interpret personally. Nothing's wrong with that, I think everything is open to interpretation, for the most part. But it was a bit vague. I know the feeling, I've lived it through my writing. Lol. Only other thing id say is that in a few places, such as the last bar, the flow seemed a bit choppy. Remove un necessary words, like just and things like that. Not all of them are needed to illustrate your message, and sometimes you drive the point further home without them. Overall a good piece with the vocabulary being the strong point, in my opinion. Stay up, man.