Sever And Kill

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MonuMental
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Sever And Kill

Post by MonuMental » Tue May 08, 2012 10:51 am

First piece I've posted in a LONG while. I hope I haven't backslid on the skill slope. Let me know what you think, Illest Fam. Here 'tis..

Women and booze, that's the type of shit that criminals do,
Knock the second out, leave the first blemished and bruised,
See, the imbalance in my brain is just a chemical ruse,
I see shrinks for days, leaving MonuMental in two's,
I think my spindle is loose, and if my memory serves,
That's the reason why I'm leaving all my enemies hurt,
With their identities burnt, and all their penalties worse,
No remedies work with every one of their extremities murked,
Aggressiveness wills I keep killing till I deaden the thrill,
Injected shrill screams, I left you with infections to kill,
Your neck'll be frilled, peppered and peeled to the redness I spill,
A veteran, ill, I sever and kill with all the weapons I wield,
My wreckage is real, method is trill, I go for the throat,
No notion to gloat, in bloody oceans you'll be hoping to float,
Provoke your ghost, leave your body laying open to bloat,
Flayed broken and choked, with blades making motion a joke,
This is the man that I am, and if I'm damned then I'm damned,
I know I'm graphically mad, and this is tragically sad,
But as you're passing a fad, I'll be romancing my pad,
Until my wrath is abated and all the answers are had,
Or I see passion equated with horrid cancerous scabs,
In which my hands'll be clad, for all the chances I grabbed,
It's time to take a second out to gather my breath,
Strap in a vest, so what I'm spitting doesn't rattle my chest,
Half of you jest, like you're afflicted with the cattle unrest,
I battled the best, broke the mirror, now to ravage the rest.

post191870.html#p191870

why-write-vt25776.html
[center]Peel back the facade and behold a bold insanity,
With no repose or vanity, composed of inhumanity.[/center]
[center]Image[/center]
[center]Image[/center]
[center]Image[/center]
[center]Illest Awards For 2011:
Text MC of the Year- MonuMental
Class of 2011- MonuMental, Enlightend, 3rd String, CBK, and Pest
Writer of the Year- MonuMental
Written of the Year- MonuMental 'A Series of Unfortunate Events'[/center]

[center]a-series-of-unfortunate-events-vt23866.html[/center]

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Borat
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Re: Sever And Kill

Post by Borat » Tue May 08, 2012 12:12 pm

Straight fire son! I don't even feel like I can find anything wrong with it. Shit is hella crazy, easy to follow along with also. I've already read it 4 times and I shall go for a 5th.

[ Post made via Windows Smartphone ] Image
POET OF THE YEAR 2011
Image
I'm often soft like cotton but my message is clear, my words hold weight like "dumbos" ears.
Image
Image

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MonuMental
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Posts: 528
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Re: Sever And Kill

Post by MonuMental » Wed May 09, 2012 3:27 am

Appreciate the feed, Borat. I just needed to shake some of the cobwebs off, I guess. I'm coming back into the game, slowly but surely.
[center]Peel back the facade and behold a bold insanity,
With no repose or vanity, composed of inhumanity.[/center]
[center]Image[/center]
[center]Image[/center]
[center]Image[/center]
[center]Illest Awards For 2011:
Text MC of the Year- MonuMental
Class of 2011- MonuMental, Enlightend, 3rd String, CBK, and Pest
Writer of the Year- MonuMental
Written of the Year- MonuMental 'A Series of Unfortunate Events'[/center]

[center]a-series-of-unfortunate-events-vt23866.html[/center]

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probablyTreed
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Re: Sever And Kill

Post by probablyTreed » Wed May 09, 2012 11:36 am

on point man, stimulating read for sure

that closin line was ill, ive battle the best, broke the mirror.. haaaaaa my dude please go audio!!
stoned locomotion, im highly trained, flow fluid with pricy strains

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AntiMaTTer
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Re: Sever And Kill

Post by AntiMaTTer » Wed May 09, 2012 12:07 pm

very good piece but in order for me to take the time to break this down and get in-depth with it ill have to reserve my breakdown for when i get off work tom. good piece my man
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IL record:
16-1

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MesaR
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Re: Sever And Kill

Post by MesaR » Thu May 10, 2012 2:32 pm

Killer, flow and structure was on point same with the multi's, i like the drops even though there isn't a punch as such, its still cool ends to bars, i liked this peice alot, sick, keep it up
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..Fuck that gay shit you say on a beat..

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Kuhlerblynd
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Re: Sever And Kill

Post by Kuhlerblynd » Thu May 10, 2012 3:41 pm

This is one of the best verses I have read on this site this year. Multi's and flow were on point, pretty much flawless. I liked the imagery, and the wording with your lines made this feel completely unforced. From top to bottom, this was fluid and well written. Nothing I can really point out that's bad about it, honestly. The ending is even dope as fuck, and comes correct when putting this piece to an end. Nice fucking work bro. I hope to see you keep it coming!!!
--~Murk McNasty~--
Battle WRECKord 42-8
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Sini
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Re: Sever And Kill

Post by Sini » Fri May 11, 2012 9:46 am

Dope verse, I see the sort-of abstract multi-packed pattern in this post and it works well to convey your message.. there was a lot of gruesome lines that made me both go like "oh wow" and some of them that had me laughin rofl

"No notion to gloat, in bloody oceans you'll be hoping to float,
Provoke your ghost, leave your body laying open to bloat"


That was just one of the bar sets in particular that caught my eye. For the most part your flow was real solid; no breaks are changes in the pattern which I like to see in a post. I think this would make to be a great audio if you ever recorded, but there's always room for improvement and if there were 2 things I had to say you should work on, it'd be solidifying your multis more as well as using more explosive-punch imagery. In other words: less slants and more shock-factor. I agree it's hard to make up for those two in the constant multi approach you're using, perfecting the categories would definitely make a difference. Much respect, keep it up Monument peace

Didge
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Re: Sever And Kill

Post by Didge » Fri May 11, 2012 4:59 pm

damn bro, this is fire. i aspire to be this good one day. shits dope dude

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K KiLLaH
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Re: Sever And Kill

Post by K KiLLaH » Sun May 13, 2012 1:42 am

This shit is fyre PROPS!!

Haz
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Re: Sever And Kill

Post by Haz » Fri May 18, 2012 10:26 am

Women and booze, that's the type of shit that criminals do,
Knock the second out, leave the first blemished and bruised,

Tough bar and opener

See, the imbalance in my brain is just a chemical ruse,
I see shrinks for days, leaving MonuMental in two's,

Liking this as well.. multis on point..gritty

I think my spindle is loose, and if my memory serves,
That's the reason why I'm leaving all my enemies hurt,

Word

With their identities burnt, and all their penalties worse,
No remedies work with every one of their extremities murked,

Nice..

Aggressiveness wills I keep killing till I deaden the thrill,
Injected shrill screams, I left you with infections to kill,

I thought this was alright

Your neck'll be frilled, peppered and peeled to the redness I spill,
A veteran, ill, I sever and kill with all the weapons I wield,

Fire

My wreckage is real, method is trill, I go for the throat,
No notion to gloat, in bloody oceans you'll be hoping to float,

Lmao snappin

Provoke your ghost, leave your body laying open to bloat,
Flayed broken and choked, with blades making motion a joke,

Nice..

This is the man that I am, and if I'm damned then I'm damned,
I know I'm graphically mad, and this is tragically sad,
But as you're passing a fad, I'll be romancing my pad,
Until my wrath is abated and all the answers are had,
Or I see passion equated with horrid cancerous scabs,

in my opinion this wasn't as strong as what iv'e been reading so far

In which my hands'll be clad, for all the chances I grabbed,
It's time to take a second out to gather my breath,
Strap in a vest, so what I'm spitting doesn't rattle my chest,
Half of you jest, like you're afflicted with the cattle unrest,
I battled the best, broke the mirror, now to ravage the rest.

Good shit.. you brought that consistency back



Monu this piece was dope man, you snapped on this
I enjoyed the read.. Keep it Up.
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FatalX
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Re: Sever And Kill

Post by FatalX » Sat May 19, 2012 5:34 am

I haven't read anything from you in a while but I gotta tell you from the last peice I read to this one WOW! you have improved all the way around....this was a nice peice monu keep it up
I CHANNEL all my ENERGY,
while my SPIRIT is SOLEMN//
you HEAR my WORDS in the STREETS-->
because I'm SPEAKING in VOLUMES//

I'm like the MEDIA with QUESTIONS-I never stop SHOOTING
so IF you really got a PROBLEM-we can make this EXCLUSIVE...//

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Glamtrash
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Re: Sever And Kill

Post by Glamtrash » Sat May 19, 2012 9:56 am

Welcome back, sir!

The title alone is enough to make me love it, and the piece itself doesn't disappoint. You've got mad talent, bro. Never stop writing. Ever.

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Alvin
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Re: Sever And Kill

Post by Alvin » Fri May 25, 2012 1:13 pm

I battled the best, broke the mirror, now to ravage the rest.


Best thing I've seen you type right there ^. Pretty dope comeback man. Where you at with the rest?

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PeyotePearl
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Re: Sever And Kill

Post by PeyotePearl » Fri May 25, 2012 2:37 pm

Great rhyme scheme here.
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